do.as.infinity

Progress for progress sake?

2012-02-13T18:21:00.002+08:00

Why do I feel that the more I try the further it gets?
Why?
Because it is unrealistic?
Or that I can't imagine myself in that position?
And why are my hands feeling cold whenever I think about it?

I guess I have no choice but to move on.
One day my hands will stop feeling cold.

Feburary, O.W.L.s

2012-01-31T19:19:00.003+08:00

Time is passing really quick nowadays.
It has been zooming ever since the announcement of my prelim dates.
There is less than a month to go before my first paper! And I can't start studying now because I'm faced with the last Triwizard task - Microsoft Access 2007! I've completed the first 2 task with exceeding expectations and I wouldn't want to screw it up in the last leg! :(

I've a complete Harry Potter set!
As can be read, I've been speed reading the Harry Potter series again. Bought the 4 remaining books from some roadside stall in China. Awfully cheap and obviously fake, since the Hippogriff Harry and Hermione are sitting on is nearly flying away from the cover page. But for that kind of price, I shouldn't complain. What matters in a book is the contents and I'm very happy re-reading it again.

It's kinda funny how I've read to the point where Harry is in his 5th year and facing his O.W.L.s when I'm facing my prelims soon. I guess Harry will be taking his N.E.W.T.s in May when I'm taking my main exam. After all of it, I'll be facing you-know-what, yes, the working life.
If my life is similar to the book, then obviously I will triumph.
Oh yes, my life will be good.

"I can change my life"
Life, YUI

randomss

2012-01-06T18:37:00.000+08:00

Had a very unfulfilling FI lesson just now, wasn't paying much attention as I wanted to. Sad.

Random notes:

1) Was reading the Braille in the lift. Realized that up till now, I haven really taken a good look at it.

2) Saw someone netting fishes from Hougang huge drain again. Was wondering where all my cute fishes went. Oh well, I always believed in karma. Shall let karma do the job of cleaning those murderers up.

3) Every time I received a msg from an unknown number, I get very excited.

4) I'm listening to YUI's songs almost everyday.

5) I can see the blisters on my left hand and I'm secretly happy about it.

6) Recently, I've invested in neopets stocks.

7) Didn't dream of anything and slept well these days, must be the power of my newly purchased silk blanket.

8) My nose is blocked in a very peculiar way.

9) I hope I can find a perm job that pays me $1000 and ends at 12pm.

10) Hope comes to those who hope for it.

New Year!!

2012-01-02T15:07:00.003+08:00

I'm not very used to the new blogger layout.

Oh well...

Yeah! Happy new year everyone!! Spent my new year in China: Yunnan - Kunming city!

Was shopping for shoes in their flea market when fireworks started popping in the sky! ^^

The most memorable place in Yunnan was Lijiang's snow mountain. Omg, it's the most beautiful place I've seen in my life. It's the perfect mixture of mountains, rocks, trees and water. Just looking at that place makes me feel that just being alive is great enough.

This year is gonna be a tough year for me. I gave myself so much to achieve...

Oh well, since we're young only once why not give it your all?

I told myself to work hard today, but now I just feel like sleeping. Hah!

right mix

2011-12-18T00:48:00.002+08:00

Sang on stage for the first time in my life.
What a freaky thing to do!

Nearly died from fright.
Hopefully I'll have the courage to discard my fear of forgetting my lyrics.
It's binding me down.
Dammit!

I need confidence! Must have the confidence that I'll not forget my lyrics.
Must tell myself not to think about it next time.
Move with the music. Let my body do the work for me.

Which means - practice practice practice.
Need to move to 3.0~

Find the LOVE!
Find the FEEL!

Hope and fear

2011-12-11T00:44:00.004+08:00

It's alright to be scared because even the moon gets hidden sometimes.

Even if you don't see it, you know it's there.

And it gets brighter and brighter.

You may see two trails because of the reflection but you know that there is only one in reality.

One and only one.

Not so hard to get lost isn't it?

There is nothing wrong with fear.

There is nothing to fear either.

Hmm...I wonder where I'll be when I see the next eclipse.

Where will the moonlight lead me?

2011 Girls' Generation Tour

2011-12-08T20:42:00.004+08:00

This is quite unbelievable!

Initially my sis and I were contemplating whether to go for SNSD concert. Then after a few days my sis decided that she will only spend money on l'arc en ciel and I decided that since my sis is not going then I won't be going either.

My sis read in mypapers that there was a chance to win a pair of SNSD concert ticket on 10 dec and we both applied for it.

This morning I received an sms with CONGRATS! XXXX...

Opened the message and it was some shit saying that I've won 3mil pounds.

Went to school feeling strangely excited for the day.

Focused during lesson, which is kinda miraculous.

Finished my ESAP essay in an hour.

While on the way home, my sis called me and told me her friend has one free ticket for tml's concert. For some reason, I started to get excited and talked one octave higher. Luckily for me, most of the people on the bus were listening to their MP3 so my disturbances where minimal.

Anyway my initial thought was to sell it away. Like, what is the point of going alone right? But since time is so limited, I dropped that idea. Give it away? Yeah, I though about it. But it's a $218 ticket! How to give away?

Went and collected the ticket from my sis's friend just now.

When the ticket was passed to me and laid in my hands...I felt a sudden sense of excitement.

I was transfixed to the ticket!
I couldn't get my eyes off those printed letters...

"2011 Girls' Generation Tour"

OH MY GOSH!!

OH MY GOSH!!!! HAHAHAHAH I CAN GO FOR THEIR CONCERT!!!!

Prime seat even! Directly view, 4th row from front!!!

This is unbelievable!!!

And today I saw someone.

Wonder why I was given that data, what are the odds man!

Things are stringing up in many interesting ways! Sometimes I wonder why those data are presented to me.

Do they mean anything?

Sheesh! Now it's not the time to think about this!!

I've absolutely no mood to study at all!!

This is no good!! :D

"サクラが咲いている"

ChE.R.RY, YUI

december!

2011-12-07T21:37:00.013+08:00

Finally, the month of endings and beginnings is here.

Time is running quick.

Year 2012 will be a freedom year for me.

Yes, I've decided on that.

Things are getting busy but they are slowing down too.

I seem to be moving and I thought I was...but am I really?

Maybe it is just a false perception.

Hah, just maybe.

It feels like 2008 again but of course on a lighter note.

I still can't really pinpoint where the source of my emotion comes from.

The same but different.

Am I even making sense?

Hah, maybe?

Well in any case, there is no more reason to hide.

I shall be frank.

I shall be free.

I'll be a modified me :D

"きっと大丈夫"

It's my life, YUI

left and right

2011-11-26T18:35:00.003+08:00

I'm totally torn.

A part of me is telling me to chill. Take things easy, life is life so just go along with it.

It all ends up to the same destination isn't it?

But another part of me is urging me to move forward. Jump into it and put all your time/spirit/energy into it.

Make a bet with your life and see if you can change it.

I'm so sacred.

I'm worried that I've no talent at all.

Really, it's hard to see that in myself.

But that doesn't mean that I can just give it up isn't it?

I've been moving along with everyone even if I did know that we're all moving nowhere.

Is it time gather my courage and break away from it?

Break and run away from it all?

Can I do it?

guitar

2011-11-25T18:48:00.007+08:00

I restrung the guitar myself yesterday!

Not sure if I had done it correctly...but it sounds ok.

Recently I've been thinking of nothing and listening to nothing else but YUI and her songs.

She is affecting me in ways that I never thought she would and I kinda hate this feeling.

The more information I get, the smaller I feel.

But somehow, I feel positive.

Nonchalant positiveness.

For now:

Don't think of what you want to do.

Don't think of what you wish to do.

Just do what you need to do.

Do the need. Do the NEED!

"いつだって未来を信じているから"

Green a.live, YUI

YUI

2011-11-18T19:04:00.004+08:00

突然觉得我和你的距离好远，

让我感觉我的梦想好像很难实现。

现在我的心里有一种忐忑不安的感觉，

可能会有不好的事情发生...

我的心里好空虚啊！

我真正想要的是什么？！

我心里不安的起源到底是从哪来的？？

为什么我一直闷闷不乐？！

他妈的，我的华文真的退步了~

Yoshioka

2011-11-13T16:52:00.002+08:00

I just realised that both my favorite singers have the same surname!

Yoshioka Yui or better known as YUI

Yoshioka Kiyoe as Ikimono-gakari's lead singer.

Haha what are the odds man!

Heh!

technology

2011-11-11T21:43:00.005+08:00

Just had a thought.

Sometimes it amazes me that we can get used to a phone so quickly.

I purposely switched to a qwerty phone from my usual candy bar just so to feel a change.

I think I smsed pretty fast on candy bars. My fingers can move perfectly without thought, like they are in their own world. Much like my fingers are talking instead of my mouth.

A pretty awesome feeling.

Just now, I texed my sis and realised that I'm doing the same thing to the qwerty. My fingers are moving without thought and words in my brain are instantly formed on the screen.

I guess this just goes to show that practice makes perfect. I've practiced unconsciously on the qwerty and perfected it.

Brains are amazing!

11.11.11.11.11.11

Don't forget what you wished for when you were half awake.

Cravings

2011-11-09T19:48:00.004+08:00

I have a sudden urge to go Japan/Taiwan/Korea.

I have a sudden craving for pudding now.

I have sudden cravings for ramen when I'm hungry.

I need to filter my memory.

I need to smile.

I hope I get replies from my post soon!

What a day! :D

2011-11-05T12:12:00.005+08:00

Yesterday was spent in the greatest way. No minute was lost!

Woke up at a really nice time of 9.30am and watched 1 part of The Stand with my sister. Left home at 10.30am for school. Saw a familiar face on bus, what are the odds man! It's always nice to see a person from your past, seeing how the person still look and feel the same.

While taking 151, I recharged myself with sleep. Woke up just in time when the bus reached school and was 10 minutes early for my FI class!

After school I proceed to Promenade station to meet with my sis and bro. I bought and ate Kit Kat from 7-11, had a sudden craving for chocolate. When they arrived, we proceeded to the Arts and Science Museum and bought tickets for both Titanic - The Artifact Exhibition and Dali: Mind of Genius.

The Titanic exhibition was great! It was so enjoyable, especially the part where we were on the replica deck. It gives me a feeling that I'm really on Titanic. Makes me wanna go for a cruise!

And I liked the concept of giving each of us a boarding pass with an actual passenger on board Titanic at that time. Then after the tour we can check if that passenger survived. My sis and bro were important people from 1st class cabins while I was from the 2nd class, but we all survived! We spent 2 hours at the exhibition.

Dali exhibition was good too but since I am no art connoisseur, I didn't enjoy it as much. But it did give my hands the itch to draw. Makes me remember the days where I was spending days and nights painting for my portfolio. Art is a fun thing because even if you know that you are not painting/drawing well, it still gives pleasure doing it.

One thing of note from the Dali exhibition was that there were not much oil paintings. I think there was only one. His masterpieces were all on oils! Where were the oils??!! Think maybe it was too precious to be displayed. Sad.

We spent and hour in the exhibition.

At 7.30pm, we proceeded to Illuma to get our very empty stomachs filled with ramen from the Champions. Each of us ordered from a different shop and all our ramens was delicious! All of them were better than those I had ate before! Gonna go back and try another stall soon!

Then we went arcade and played basketball. Dammit, the balls were deflated! It was so hard to shoot but damm funny. After that we left for home by train and I bought coke slurpee when we reached White Sands. I think there were lots of msg in the ramen or something? Cause we all felt very thirsty.

Reached home and I finished watching The Stand with my sis until 2am!

What a day isn't it! :D

Psychology and mahjong

2011-10-29T01:06:00.002+08:00

I have successfully psyched my family members to play mahjong.

Oh man, how rewarding. :D

We are gonna mahjong every week!

Been feeling kinda stressed nowadays. It seems like there are lots of things needed to be done. Most of the time I feel so restless when I get home from my endless bus rides that I end up slacking the day off.

I adore bus rides but they are really sucking my energy and money, especially my money.

Dammit! If only I can fly or teleport!

And dammit! What is societal psychology?? How does it relate to social psychology??

I don't get it! I'm stuck with my notes. Can't continue!! SHIT!

Time is passing so quickly!! Weeks after weeks are gone in an instant!! My youth is leaving me!! HELPPP!!!

CHS

2011-10-15T12:52:00.004+08:00

Saw a certain someone yesterday in school.

What are the odds man!

Lost track of them when they went toilet. :(

Small bliss.

Unnatural.

I'm such a messed up person.

Golf Golf

2011-10-14T00:00:00.002+08:00

This is so frustrating!

Why is it that I can't get to watch LPGA now when I want to?

Why can't I access ESPN Taiwan/China or starsports???

Damn you PPTV.

Hope I get some freaking access soon. My eyes are blurry from the search...and it's so very hot now. I am sweating like a PIG.

Cut my hair yesterday.

Woots.

Coughing like shit now. Dying from the cough.

FOCUS and RELAX.

These 2 words are gonna be my motto till year end.

I want to tour the whole of Japan!

VOID

2011-10-08T20:12:00.002+08:00

THERE IS A FREAKING VOID INSIDE ME!
I FEEL SO EMPTY!

I MISS MY CAT SOOO MUCH.
WHY DID I LET IT LEAVE ME?!

I'll continue doing this until I'm numb.
Yeah, life is nothing but a show and in the end we are all nothing but flesh.

happy unbirthday

2011-10-02T18:42:00.002+08:00

This would be my saddest birthday ever.
I know that things are not that easy to accomplish.
But my expectations were already so low that it makes it all the more sadder to fail at it.

I feel that I am getting weaker and weaker.
Where did all my strength go?
I hope I am not starting to hate myself.

May this be the last time I cried for it.

dead island

2011-10-02T00:17:00.002+08:00

Dead Island Dead Island Dead Island Dead Island Dead Island

Omg, now I see zombies when I close my eyes.
And I killed myself with my self-made bombs twice.
Sucks man.

Chop and slash.

And I am feeling sick. I am infected!!

Stress

2011-09-29T17:20:00.003+08:00

Stress stress stress. Like super.

I wonder why I am so scared. Well but of course, such things are like exams but worse. I wonder when I will finally be used to it. Selecting, presenting, receiving. Gosh...
I wonder if I will be sad if I got cut again this year. Wah...but the stress. The wait and then the presenting. But this is something you want isn't it?? Don't think so far ahead, just let things flow. Think far only when needed.

To think about it. My life is kinda stable right now. There shouldn't be any reason to fear the future. Of course, what you are pursuing may not end up like how you want it but I believe the road will end up beautiful. "心の花を咲かせよう"
In any case, I can still become a boss. So that's not that bad isn't it?

Clear your head! Focus on what is important! :D
I am one bit stronger again! Understood myself a little more. Yes, I feel lonely but I think I'm finally near the peak.

It's all in your mind.

frds that make u sad are not good frds

2011-09-26T22:33:00.004+08:00

"泣きたくなって戸惑って弱いよね?"
YUI

Being slapped twice for nothing hurts.
When something hurts, it's easy to forgive but hard to forget.
頑張りました
だから...
さよなら。

irritating SK

2011-09-25T12:34:00.005+08:00

Had a run this morning!
The feeling was refreshing. I miss those youthful days where I don't get tired no matter how far I run.
Must fight this aging body.

Routine. Routine. Routine.

Things don't always turn out the way you want. But when is everything smooth sailing?
Take the best you can and forget all the rest.
All the anger, all the sadness. Take it away! Don't need to waste any extra minute pondering what you are thinking, since I have decided that you are not the one.

Maybe my heart will refuse this at first. But slowly I will forget you.

phone

2011-09-21T10:14:00.002+08:00

Bought my HP yesterday.
$140

Learnt lots of lesson. Will be more cautious next time.
Well, take things easy and move on.
There are so many things to accomplish and I shouldn't waste any time.

Start of school tomorrow!
Fighting!!

Aunt working place

2011-09-19T21:26:00.002+08:00

Today marks the end of my 8 days of work in my aunt's company.
It was rather fun working with my brother, doing weird chores (because I have a weird uncle).
Today we poured the powder from a used fire extinguisher onto plants because my uncle said that they are good fertilizers. The powder rose up into the air like dry ice when we poured.
It was very weird.

I really want to help my aunt. She is under such tremendous stress and I hope I can be up to standard. I don't like to see an empire fall. I will try my best to carry it forward.
Now, I can only wait. Hope my brother learns well so that it will be easier for me to do my work.

I have YET to buy my phone. This ordeal is making me crazy.
I can't decide. I AM CRAZY! I really wonder what is going through my head, or rather, my heart. Something just keeps telling me it's the wrong choice.
Just reach out! Sheesh!
It's just a bloody phone!!

Got 2 days of break before school officially starts. I'll be alone for my first lesson and it's MACRO.
Life is trying to test me, but I'll not falter.

HAPPY!

2011-09-04T02:20:00.002+08:00

I feel sooo free now!
Job ended, report finished and timetable settled!
Everything is good!!

I'm going to shop for a phone tomorrow! I've set my eyes on Samsung Star II, but the cheapest I saw was $188. Was hoping to get it at around $150...
Well, see how tomorrow goes.

Ahh wonderful life. :D

1 hour sleep

2011-09-02T11:42:00.003+08:00

Woots! I only had 1 hr of sleep!
Thank goodness my report is done!
All that is left is printing and binding it...in *****.

I need to lose weight! But it's so hard to concentrate on exercising and eating less.
Saw some SNSD photos just now and damn! I feeling like running now! Argh!

It's gonna be a great year ahead. Fighting!
I'm gonna attain everything that I want because I'll be working my very hardest.

FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT! FIGHT THOSE UNITS! FIGHT THOSE FATS!

New spects

2011-08-28T10:44:00.007+08:00

I'm now wearing my new spectacles.
It's gonna be my final one, I'm not going to change it anymore.
I feel so uncomfortable now.
Haik, the pain of wearing spectacles.

I was so frustrated and sad on that day when I made this spectacles. I whined to my sis, asking her what did I do wrong and why are my eyes so fucked up. Nearly cried too. But I told myself to look forward and 'think of all the positiveness".

Argh, I'm feeling more and more uncomfortable.
Guess I'll give myself 1 more day to adjust to this. If I don't, I'm going to tell them to reduce my degree by 25 for both eyes.
Damm eyes, but I should be grateful for being able to see.

Strength

2011-08-27T13:49:00.003+08:00

I need to ignore all the noises that are affecting me.
Concentrate!
Don't keep thinking that someone is finding it irritating or whatsoever.

You really want it isn't it??
It's the only thing you are moving towards at the moment.
MOVE MOVE MOVE!
Don't let small things affect you.

I need to start believing in myself.
I need to buck up and be more diligent, practice makes perfect.

Have more CONFIDENCE!

I need to smile more.

drunk...

2011-08-21T08:01:00.006+08:00

Went Zouk yesterday with JC friends + swan's guy friends.
After 1 glass of Volka+Orange and 1 glass of Volka+Coke, I was drunk.
Goodness me.

I felt so terrible and was nearly fainting, plus I wanted to puke. Luckily my stomach was rather empty, being my last eaten meal was at 1pm. But thanks to that I couldn't hold my liqueur.
And I was so afraid I will lose sight of my friends, I keep grabbing on to them. I would really faint if I knew that I lost them in the monster crowd!

I felt uncomfortable with yesterday's conversations.
What I am doing now is nothing to be embarrassed about, but I just don't feel like telling anyone. And worse, I don't really know how to lie.
I don't even know why I'm so reluctant to speak about it!
I think maybe it's a totally new area and direction I'm heading right now, like a totally new me, so I don't feeling like mixing it with my old life.

Slept at nearly 4am yesterday, so why the hell am I awake now??

I think clubs should play Korean/Japanese songs.

weight

2011-08-19T23:26:00.002+08:00

Aiyo, why is my weight always the same?
I'm already eating lesser and going for exercises!
What extremes do I have to do to make myself slimmer??!

I NEED MOTIVATION!
Guess I it's time to watch SNSD again.

Oh my..I am really super super tired. But I can't fall asleep now, there are still so many things to do. :(

SINGING

2011-08-13T23:59:00.002+08:00

I don't know why I'm so determined to master Yui's Again.
Maybe it's because I don't wanna lose to her...
I know I'm not even qualified to pit myself against her, maybe it's just that I'm always so awed by her.

Singer-Songwriter.
Gosh, can I become like her one day?

I've a sudden strength to plow through guitar chords.

It's gonna be a long long chase.

Sucky Day

2011-08-06T00:16:00.003+08:00

Dammit! It was such a sucky day!!

I hate XINWANG CAFE! Baked rice is NOT fully cooked! The freaking rice is so hard!
My DVD RW can't rewrite itself! What is the use of a RW when I can't RW it??!!

Argh and I really don't like doing TS. :(
I feel cheated every time I say yes.

Busy week

2011-07-30T23:41:00.003+08:00

Such a busy week, I'm super exhausted.

Monday-Badminton at night after work, slept at 1am.
Tuesday-Slept 12.30am.
Wednesday-Watched HP, slept 1.30am.
Thursday-Watched Ricoh British Open, slept 12.30am.
Friday-Played kinect at Cineleisure, slept 2am.
Saturday-Burned my tongue from sipping hot soup too quick and feeling extremely exhausted.

Watching British Open now, should be sleeping at 1.30am.
Intending to swim/cycle and do my music report tomorrow.

I need more time to recharge.
I feel like eating lemon sherbet now :(

Prices

2011-07-18T23:54:00.004+08:00

Prices of items are really high nowadays. Super scary.

My budget:
New phone - Less than $200
Used phone - Less than $130
MP3 - Less than $100
Pants/Jeans - Less than $30
Notebook - Less than $1000
Bags - Less than $50
Shoes - Less than $30
Watch - Less than $50
Shorts - Less than $20
Shirts - Less than $40
Books - Less than $10
Accessories - Less than $10
Camera - Less than $500
CD/VCD - Less than $10

weak

2011-07-13T17:42:00.003+08:00

I am so weak.
To think that all these was bothering me. This ain't the first time it happened isn't it? I should be prepared for this, I should be used to his shouts by now.

Why does it bother me so much still? I need to control my temper, and my emotions too. I can't let myself fall for his tricks anymore. Endure it. Just keep enduring and stay silent.

If you can't change what you don't like, then learn to suppress your feelings and let them be. I don't believe their lives would be better than mine, being as useless as they are.

Have I found my inner peace?

no more cat

2011-07-13T14:11:00.003+08:00

I wonder if I am doing the right thing, by letting the cat go.
But I alone can't fight against all 4 of them and the horde of pesky neighbors.

This is the first time I pitied myself for having to live in a HDB.
Yes, Singaporean are self-centered. Humans are self-centered. I am not self-centered, but when everyone else is, shouldn't I become one too?

It's so hard to stay in the light.
I need power, I need status, so that I can shut everyone up.

Sotong

2011-07-11T18:53:00.002+08:00

It's really tough being near marine creatures.
But I'll treat it as a trial, for me to better enhance my patience.

I will surely be facing more of them in the future. I will be prepared.

ARGH

2011-07-03T10:42:00.003+08:00

EVERYONE AND EVERYTHING IS PISSING ME OFF!
I HATE IT!

SOMETIMES I FEEL LIKE GOING ON A RAMPAGE.
BUT FOR WHAT DO I GAIN? IT'S POINTLESS.

I NEED INNER PEACE.

CAT

2011-06-24T21:25:00.004+08:00

CAT CAT CAT CAT!
That's all I am thinking about these days! I want to bathe my cat as soon as possible!
Having a cat feels so surreal, like a dream come true.

On another note, I think I am rather impatient nowadays. Inefficiencies agitates me more than usual, I wonder why. Maybe under a constant routine of laziness, my energy is all pent-up - a silent whistling boiler.
But fear not, I won't explode.

There is a very strange uneasiness that I am feeling this week and I hate it. It makes me so scared and fearful.

Has anyone ever won against death?

Work

2011-06-22T20:17:00.002+08:00

Oh no, June is nearly over!
My god! How time flies!!

I miss the cat. :(
Hope I can see her again.

And her too.

NEKO!!

2011-06-12T20:41:00.004+08:00

NEKO NEKO NEKO!

A cat followed me home yesterday. My father refused to let the cat into the house and so we locked it outside. It stayed for about 2 hours outside my house and went off.

However this afternoon...she came back! She was right outside my house!!!
I live on the 15th floor, such a clever cat!! She was looking at all of us like this!But she is not like any other cats, where they will force themselves into the house. So when we say no, she just sat quietly outside looking at us.

Oh she is still outside my house now..just fed her fish crackers hahaha
But the cat is co clever that I am kinda afraid of it... Does she want to be a house pet? I don't know her real intention and so I am not so willing to let her into the house. She can stay outside and be fed...until I am certain she is not evil.

I wonder why she followed me.

Job+lessons+LIFE

2011-05-29T23:26:00.007+08:00

I went for TPJC's 25th anniversary with Pricillia, Baosheng and keith. Never would I imagine myself to be there but I think it was rather worth it. I've never been close to any teachers (and never will be I guess) and especially to TPJC teachers as I am not very fond of the school.

Anyway, recently I have been feeling a weird emptiness. I can't exactly pinpoint why and thoughts of death keep recurring every night. Nope, not suicidal thoughts. Just thinking about death itself, which scares me all the time as usual so I always try to block them.
When I was about 12 I was totally freaked out by the idea of death. I didn't confide in anyone because there is just no answer to my questions. Or rather, there is no answer that can satisfy me. No living person will ever be able to soothe my uneasiness, only the dead can.
I was so terrified but I told myself to keep those thoughts away and think about them when I'm 20.
So I guess those questions from 10 years ago are coming back to haunt me. And of course, there will be no answer. There will never be an answer.
To think that my flesh will rot one day.
I guess death is much like our sleep. We may have dreams here and there but never existing anywhere in the dreams. We just cease to exist and our souls keeps wavering, just like having an endless dream.

But then I am not fully convinced that there void in me now is due to those thoughts. I feel the void throughout the day and normally during the day, there is enough activities to keep my thoughts away from death. So maybe the void is from somewhere else?

I have been reading intensely these few days. Thinking back, I think the void started when I was reading Stephen King's 4 past midnight. I don't normally read Stephen King's stories but usually I get only chills and no void. I am reading Dean Koontz's Frankenstein series now and there is still the void. So it makes no sense because reading a Koontz will never affect me this way and I doubt it's the books that are affecting me.

Maybe it's because my sister is now in Japan and I am worried about her everyday? Very possible. I am worried not because she is in Japan. To me, a plane flight is scarier than an earthquake.

But then again, the void I am feeling...seems to be kinda related to hope. Like I just lost hope and there is no positivity in me. But losing hope in what? My future?
Somehow the void also feels like it's a thing, a thing that is controlling me. Like my life now is being fate driven and maybe I am feeling so uneasy because I have no control of my future.
In any case, I think this void I am feeling now will drive me to a better place or worse...and without my control. I guess I may be able to tweak certain areas but only the big picture counts and I hope it's a nice picture.

"The heart that fears will have regrets"

FREEDOM

2011-05-14T12:23:00.002+08:00

Gosh I feel so free.
It feels so good to have 24hours of play time.
I won't waste any minute of it!

And I will take a different approach to how I enjoyed my holiday last year.
This year, I will enjoy being busy.

Last year, I did absolutely nothing at all. I wanted to experience the feeling of having so much time and having no aim. It feels good initially, having no worries and no plans. But then subsequently, you feel that life is pointless and you'll start to feel bored and useless. Then you start to get lazy and it got me so unfocused on my studies when school finally started.

Now, it's time for change!
I will keep myself packed with activities that are fun, enjoyable and enriching! :D

GOLF GOLF!!

2011-04-01T01:24:00.002+08:00

HAHAA I AM A VERY VERY HAPPY GIRL NOW!
I FOUND A GREAT WAY TO WATCH GOLF! LPGA! WAITING FOR IT NOW WHILE WATCHING THE BORING EUROPEAN TOUR...CET 9PM!!
AND LATER FROM 12.30-3AM CET, WHICH MEANS THAT I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT 6AM TO WATCH. :)

OH MY, I AM CRAZY.
BUT I AM HAPPY BEING CRAZY.

Golf

2011-03-27T13:41:00.002+08:00

I had a nightmare. I was partially freaked out when I discovered that I haven finished studying for my exam the next day.
This is very peculiar because I hardly have any exam related dreams.
Maybe my body is trying to tell me to study harder.

I am feeling so extremely sad right now. I can't watch the LPGA tour!
I want to watch golf LIVE! Not some live scores or highlights!!
The only way to watch is that I either sign up Golf Channel online and pay them a sum every month or I subscribe to starhub.
But either way sucks. Everything sucks!
And I only want to watch LPGA, I don't want to watch the PGA! It's PGA here and there!!

There is another way, I can ask a friend that has starhub to add the sports package in for about $12 per month and then pay them. The only thing is, I only need to watch 4-5 days a month for the tour! And I wonder if my friends would even bother to help me do that! And finals are always on Sundays, I don't want my friend's whole family around the house while I steal their tv and watch golf!!!

I can't seem to find any illegal ways to watch it online too!
WHY?? And nobody in my house wants Starhub tv!!
Me: " Can we subscribe to starhub?"
Sis: " But you will be the only one watching."
Me: "Ey, we can add some other channels that mom or you like? Hey mom, want to subscribe to starhub?"
Mom: "No."

This is all singtel's fault. If they had not won the bid, all my friends would still have the starhub sports channels. And Mio TV doesn't have Golf Channel! What the hell!!
I WANT MONOPOLY!! THIS IS UNFAIR!!!

feeling empty

2011-03-06T03:00:00.007+08:00

I don't even know why I am here.
There is 1 more day till IM and I am only on my first chapter.
Wondered how the hell I ended up in this state...but I tell myself that it's only the prelims.

Lots of things happened during feb and I don't even know where to start.
To cut it short - my mom went for an operation on the first of feb and it was only yesterday that the doctor said she fully and totally recovered.

What happened? She had a hot air balloon accident in which she bumped her head several times when the hot air balloon crash landed. A month after the accident, she complained of terrible headaches and all of us urged her to go for a fuller check-up.

I shall not relate in detail the whole incident (since never in my life will I forget about it) but during my mom's 1 week stay in the hospital I was really touched by all the care and concern from my relatives. One can have no friends, but one can never be without family.
It was so heartwarming when everyone gathered and stayed with my mom throughout her ordeal. Even after she was discharged, relatives and neighbours all came and tried to help us in all ways possible. I am really so glad I have such wonderful people around me.

To tell you the truth, the whole ordeal felt like it was from a drama. My mom was diagnosed and operated all in one day. Imagine the shock for her! I wasn't really that shocked because I already suspected long ago that it was hemorrhage but I didn't expect there to be a POOL of blood in my mom's head. A damn bloody pool and on both sides of her brain too, which meant that there was a need to drill a hole on each side of her skull to drain the blood out.

Throughout the whole thing, I was feeling rather spaced out then worried. It just felt so surreal that I can't seem to think of the worst case scenario. But when I was sending my mom into the operating theater, I cried. It was at that moment where I felt that I could lose my mom. Of course I held my tears in because I know that I shouldn't be feeling sad. I should be feeling relieved that my mom is being cured/treated instead of thinking of the worst. In any case, I trust the surgeon. He is awesome, the best kind of doctor both in terms of skills and ethics. When he was telling us about the operation my main concern was not how the operation would be, but if he was the one operating. When I asked and he said he would be the one operating, I was so relieved. To me, it felt like my mom was already cured.

I am just so glad everything is alright now. I learnt so many thing from this, especially house chores since my mom have to refrain from moving too much for fear of recurrence during the recovery period. My mom looks like a nun now with only about a cm of hair ahah, hope her hair grows faster!

Oh shit, I am so dead on Monday but well...rainy days never stays :)

Sk-II

2011-01-28T00:24:00.003+08:00

I'm addicted to watching Girls' Generation.
Yes, it's serious.

I want those legs!!!
Yes, I'm serious.
But, I need grow 10cm first! :(

Woots! Miracle water!
Woots! Miracle life!

Genie Genie Genie!!!

NEW YEAR!

2011-01-01T03:13:00.002+08:00

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

Just came back from countdown with adeline, xinni, ming fong and wanching at Pasir Ris Park.
HAH.
Had lots of fun gossiping and recalling about our past.

Sometimes I wonder how I sound to others, I always doubt my own voice but I'm really trying not to care. Just let it all out.

Anyway, I feel that it's time for me to change. I kinda dislike the way I'm now. I like dresses but I always think I don't look good in them. And I like boots. I like heels. I like silky and dyed hair. I like wearing sunglasses. I want slim legs...so that I dance and look as chio as the girls in Girls Generation.

I will gather my courage and do lazik. So that I can do eye makeup! HAHAH

Most of the time, I really wonder how girls do make up and transform themselves into super beauties. Like HOW THE HELL DO THEY DO IT?
I really have no idea. But still, I think plain is nice. Don't overdo it.

Can't wait for my parents to come home. Miss them so much.

MERRY CHRISTMAS!

2010-12-26T00:35:00.003+08:00

MERRY CHRISTMAS!!

Today (or rather yesterday) was such a fruitful day!
My parents are now enjoying their time in Turkey and will only be back on first jan. Meanwhile, we'll have to wash, cook and clean all by ourselves. I feel so independent now.

My sis drove for our mini christmas outing and I was the GPS.

We went tampines mall and parked at tamp sports hall..heh. My father will think we're lamers by parking so far but my sis need a wide open area with no cars to stress her when parking. Bought BOTH Buzz and Zurg from Toy'"R'"Us at only $34.20 because my sis's UOB ladies card has 7% off and she exchanged all her points for $40 voucher. Due to this purchase, I received a pretty little Toy"R''Us member card.

Went over to century square and bought Toy Story 3 VCD at only $6.95.
My brother re-contracted his phone and received a new LG phone, the same one as Jing Pei. I think I have quite a affinity with LG nowadays.

Went back and drove to Giant to collect our pre-ordered turkey. I had no idea my brother ordered a 3.5kg turkey. GOSH.
Cut it up and microwaved it in the oven, cooked cambell soup and heated up all the sauce/stuffings. If I've have to eat another mouth of turkey, I think I'll puke. We still have 3/4 of the turkey in the fridge.
Oh and I cooked porridge today too! ahha

Came home after we collected the turkey and watched Toy Story 3 while eating. I totally love Toy Story and I was so sad I cried again.

I'm so tired now. Going to sleep soon, night!

Oh yes and I went back to NAS to sell uniform with Carmen. NAS really changed ALOT. I miss the HALL and my classroom!!! X(
But still, most of the corridors and the layout remains the same.
So nice being back after so many years.

december!

2010-12-19T11:27:00.006+08:00

Oh my, what a BUSY month!

1. Met up with my sec 2 clique at ade's 21st. Still very much in love with them, they're great great friends. Ming Fong, Xin Ni and Wan Ching!

2. Toy Con was great! Watched Audition finals and took as many free capsules as possible. Was hoping to get Buzz/Hamm/Rex/Woody/Jessie/Aliens, I don't even mind getting Lotso so odds are 9 out of 10. I screamed when I finally opened the capsule - I got Mr. Pricklepants. I'm always very bad with capsule machines and I've no idea why!! My sister got Jessie and my brother got the ALIENS.
Oh and I saw a plushie Lotso selling at $60...it really has the strawberry smell...and it looks like it came straight out of the movie...I was so tempted to buy but I forced myself to walk away.

3. Worked in a LG phone company as packer, nice payout but tough on the legs. I helped Anna toughen her legs too.

4. Constantly exercised once every week. Badminton session yesterday was awesome, I was actually feeling my racket moving itself. Much like how harry potter's wand moved itself against you-know-who. Superb even thou I wasn't very satisfied with my new grip.

5. Logged in neopets everyday, just so to get the free christmas gift issued from advent calender. Heheheh

6. Decisions: I am thinking of buying Zurg or Buzz or both. Maybe I should really just get both...$39.90 each. Should I start MS this Jan or push it after my exams? Money and time are so precious now!!

7. Watched Magic show with my cousin and carmen in Expo. Reminds me of my exam. Magic is nice, but somehow I don't get very amazed by it. Maybe because ultimately I know that it is all just magic TRICKS.

And recently, I am starting to freak out a little at how much time I've left until the final exams. I am so not prepared. Why am I so not focused? Maybe because there are so many things for me to plan and decide. Can't wait for all my plans to settle and take shape.
Anyway, I can't wait to watch Harry Potter this coming tue!! FINALLY

Music!

2010-12-07T21:30:00.001+08:00

Ikimono Gakari is my SUN!
Moumoon is my MOON!

I'm so in LOVE!

Anime

2010-12-02T22:35:00.004+08:00

Sometimes, I really wonder why there are people who refuses to watch animes. I mean, it's really more then just action and pretty animation. There are so much more depth and story. Most people that don't watch animes watches dramas. Yes, dramas are nice but since dramas are good, wouldn't animes be better? Considering that most dramas are remakes of animes/mangas?

Yes there are alot of people out there that watches dramas because of the hunks and babes. Well frankly speaking, that's kinda sad (for them). They are losing out so much great things in life...but obviously they don't care anyway. They are looking for entertainment and just want to be entertained, which I know is not wrong at all. Just sad.

IT IS NOT JUST A CARTOON.

Notebook

2010-11-27T17:15:00.006+08:00

Bought MSi CX420 notebook from Sitex yesterday at $899 and I am blogging with it now.
Bought it together with my sis as she DROVE us all the way to expo. What a feat! My mother was so proud of her when I told her that. Entertained me lots when she mounted the curb and scared me to death when she suddenly said she couldn't park in that slot the traffic officer directed her to.

I don't know why, but I'm not really comfortable with notebooks. They heat up and it's really uncomfortable to type.
The main reason why I bought this notebook is because I want to play Ragnarok & Runescape with my sis. More of RO then RS because RO was my first MMORPG. It was about 6 years ago that I started playing RO and stopped when the free trial was over. Now, it's totally free and both my sis and I had this sudden urge to play it.
Can't wait for us to be actually playing it together. :)
Can't wait to ride the Peco Peco!

Oh my, now even the mouse is heating up. Is that even possible?
And I feel quite dizzy...why? Is the screen too bright?

Recently, I have been asking people to play table tennis and badminton with me so that I can exercise at least once a week. I really think that it's time to start losing weight because I feel really tired when I climb the overhead bridge to school.
I realised that it's so much easier to get people to play badminton then table tennis. Everyone can play badminton, but not everyone can play table tennis. Table tennis requires so much more skill. But luckily, I prefer playing badminton because I can sweat a lot more and I feel much fitter after every session. :D

Oh my, I still feel dizzy. Is the screen too dim?
And I'm not typing at ease with the chicklet keyboard. They said a chicklet keyboard gives you better ease in typing as you won't accidentally press another buttons. However, that doesn't seem to be the case for me.

My god, my mother is feeding me again! She says I'm fat but still keeps feeding me!
Now she is forcing me to eat porridge...with salted fired egg. How delicious.

Oh shit, I keep touching the touchpad and it brings me to the wrong sentence again and again! Is there a way to disable the touchpad when I'm using the mouse? OMG there is! HAHA! SHIOK

Why MSi and not other brands? I'm not sure either, I had a good feeling about it and the reviews online are not that bad too. It called out to me.
In any case, I don't think I'll be making much use for this notebook except for gaming.
I guess that's it for the day, back to the desktop.

$$$$

2010-11-01T21:33:00.003+08:00

I can't stop thinking about $$ nowadays.

MF - $1620 + $20
Summer School - $3500 (hopefully)
Notebook - $899
Ikoma - $1100 + $20

Total: $7159!

Life is so predictable. If you slack for a year, you've to pay back the next year.
How can I earn money quick?

I think everyone should follow my personal policy. Always earn the amount you need to spend rather then loan it or use your existing savings. Oh and $$ given to you by your parents are not counted, they are still 'internal' money.

Damm, YOG owes me $250.
Now I only have $35 'external' money to spend.
I need a job that allows me to be very flexible with my shifts...maybe I should really head back to Explorer kid.

Girl Band!

2010-10-30T00:29:00.004+08:00

Notable things:

1. I slept for 16 hours! Because of the haze? I don't know, just know that I felt really really tired. When I woke up, I didn't even realised Kpop night was already way over. I want JPOP night!! :(

2. Uploaded Music Station Super Live 2008 (hope they don't take it down)...I really really want to attend MS concerts!! I want to live in Japan!!!!

3. Blogging about top 10, left the guys...lazy to continue so I'll save it as draft for the time being.

4. Played L4D!!! Damn shiok. Want to play AGAIN.

5. Have the desire to work, feel the need to earn money. Need to earn $2500. Setting aside money for Summer School(hopefully Japan!) and lessons for JLPT3. If only neopoints and gp have a 1:1 exchange rate to SGD, then I'll be so rich.

6. NEED to lose WEIGHT. Really need to, no kidding.

7. Have a really strong desire to do something similar to what the girls did in K-ON. ^^

And I hope my sister can work less hard and come home earlier. Hate seeing her come home so late everyday. Why sacrifice your youth for work??
why why tell me why

Top 10! 2010

2010-10-20T19:46:00.036+08:00

2010 is gonna end really soon, so I guess it's time for....
TOP 10!!!
2009's ranking: Janurary 2009 from the archive.

TOP 10 GALS!

No. 10: Hebe Tien
March 30, 1983
Recently bought a 4.4mil house. I want one too! :( Anyway, I shifted her down 4 ranks because I noticed that only her side-view looks good. She looks a little weird from the front, but nevertheless, she is still the hottest from S.H.E.

No. 9:Ai Otsuka
September 9, 1982
Yes, she got married recently and gave me a shock. Hope she gives birth to a cute girl and I really hope that SU will treat her well. Well, all I can say now is - SU is a damn lucky guy!!

No. 8: Tomiko Van
January 9, 1979
DAI revived! Guess the company realised that sales are better with her in DAI then her as a solo artist. DAI's newest single and album were pretty good, music still feels very DAI but her English still needs more improvement. She didn't really change much but somehow, she wasn't as beautiful to me as before.

No. 7: Yui
March 26, 1987
I think she really looks like Tomiko Van's younger sister or something. I saw her in Music Station a long long time ago and at that time I was like, ey new singer? Why look so depressed? No smile? Till now, I still have no impression her smiles at all. Started to think that she is really pretty only recently as I kept seeing her MVs on the ranking charts. She has the kind of pretty that makes me jealous. And knowing now that she is only 2 years older makes me really jealous. Yui, I hate you. :(

No. 6: Ryoko Hirosue
18 July 1980
Strangely, I've no idea what to type. Is this the end of my love for her?! Sobs. Maybe after I watched Departures my love will come back. If not, I think she will be out of the ranking soon...

No. 5:Yoon Eun Hye
October 3, 1984
She is still my favorite Korean actress! I think she stands out because she doesn't have the pretty plastic face the usual Korean actresses have. Actually, I think she is more of cute then pretty. If there is a Korean version of Absolute Boyfriend, I'm sure the show will be great if she is the female lead!

No. 4:
Lightning
-
She and Cloud can become the most gorgeous couple in FF. I saw the promotional videos for FFXIII and I was totally mesmerized by her image. I really like how characters in FF always have nice flowing hair unlike other games. I want a heart-shaped face like hers! >_<

No. 3: Lee Xin Jie
January 23, 1976
I saw her in the SKII commercial and I told my mom I'm gonna buy some SKII. Hell, she was picture perfect isn't she? Every time I see that commercial on TV, I'll kneel down and say my prayers, hoping that I can become as pretty as her. I've concluded that she is a goddess from the heavens and I think she can be a character in FF since she look so unreal.

No. 2:
Namie Amuro
September 20, 1977
Still very hot. :D Love the way she dances and she really has a very very very small face. Reminds me of a kitten's face. She is not no.1 again because I'm not envious of her beauty. I mean you won't get jealous of a kitten's cuteness right? But you can't deny how cute kittens are, so yes she is no. 2 again.

No. 1:
Juri Ueno
May 25, 1986
Woo Ueno!! I totally love her shows. She is not considered the typical kind of beauty in Japan, but I actually think that she is VERY good looking. When she was acting as Nodame she was really cute and when she acted as Ruka, I found her to be strangely handsome too. Certain actress can get me to cry when they are acting a sad part and Ueno is definitely one of them. Oh and I like her teeth too...so cute. ^^

To be continued.

Kclub idol

2010-10-17T12:18:00.003+08:00

I forgot my lyrics. :(
Sun Yan Zi, Angela Zhang and Lala Shu. :)

I'll never underestimate any lyrics again.
I'll never underestimate myself again.

Gather more confidence, fighting!

10.10.10

2010-10-11T15:32:00.002+08:00

Wanted to blog yesterday cause it's 10.10.10.

830 couples in Singapore got married yesterday.
Those people are gonna find it hard to celebrate their anniversaries.

Notable things I did yesterday,
I built a B-Daman.
I drank self-made root beer float.
I studied.

Btw, my sis told me that this is the only month that has exactly 5 Fridays, Saturdays and Sundays. Only happens once every 823 years.

10.10.10 = die.die.die
Bless those couples.

Blood types

2010-10-07T14:15:00.003+08:00

Blood types goes like this:

A + A = A or O
A + B = A, B, AB or O
A + O = A or O
A + AB = A, B or AB

B + B = B or O
B + O = B or O
B + AB = A, B or AB

AB + AB = A, B or AB
AB + O = A or B

O + O = O

My father is B and my mother is B
So B + B = B or O

My brother is B.
My sister is AB.
I am A.

Something is really wrong here.

AI OTSUKA

2010-09-24T15:48:00.003+08:00

OMG I JUST FOUND OUT THAT AI OTSUKA IS MARRIED AND IS GONNA GIVE BIRTH IN SPRING 2011!

OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG!
SHOCKING!!
MARRIAGE IS SHOCKING ENOUGH BUT PREGNANT?!???
AI OTSUKA IS GONNA GIVE BIRTH!?
OMMMMGGGGGGGGGGGG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

She is married to Su from Rip Slyme.
9 years of difference in age.

I wonder why Japanese girl artistes always marry someone at least 9-10 years older then them and then they'll get divorced! Why do they like UNCLES?!
WHY??!!

Hope they don't end up divorced...wait...maybe it's better that they get divorced XD
I hope it won't affect her lyrics or change her music genre.

I'm gonna find it hard to sing her songs now...after I saw that aisu x time PV.
Oh! No wonder her recent singles is a song that is about marriage...and LOVE and all the stuff. When previously it was break ups and sadness...
Hrum....

Ok, I've calmed down enough. Time for work, Kaichou...argh...

Friday, Ai Otsuka

2010-09-24T15:13:00.013+08:00

Today is a day of celebration.
It's the LAST episode of Kaichou!! Yippee!!

Btw, I'm so angry at the quality of Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince on the VCD version. When Dumbledore was falling down the tower I can only see his beard and I can't see most of the magic spell effects either! I'm downloading the DVD rip now.
People wonder why we download stuff online, it's because the shops are selling us SHIT!
Esp for Animes, I'll recommend you to download rather then buy them because fansubs are really much much better in both the subs and the video quality.

"Whenever my dream is about to come true, the Dream Eater eats it up.
Whenever my dream comes true...
I'll dream another dream, no matter how old I get."
Oh man, Ai Otsuka can write some great lyrics and her drawing is so cute too!

KL and VCDs

2010-09-18T16:08:00.003+08:00

I went out yesterday!
It was to book my 3D2N trip to KL for my birthday.
Finally, I'm going to step foot in Malaysia.
Initially, I intended to book a chalet to celebrate my 21st but I didn't book it early and all the bungalows are fully booked. I wanted to book costa sands Pasir Ris but my mom complained it was too small. After all the fuss I decided to drop it and celebrate my birthday next year instead.

I went Genting when I was really young, so I've no idea how Malaysia looked like. It was really weird telling friends that I've not been to Malaysia before, but now I'll be going! I'll be weird no more!

Going on the 1st and returning on the 3rd of Oct. Will be missing MSM and CF lectures, but it's ok since it's only the 2nd lecture.
Well this year my lessons are really weird...tue, wed and SAT. But since to me Saturday is like any other day so why not.
My only concern is that I may be too tired to focus since on sat, I have 2 lectures straight with only 30 mins of break. For some reason, I'll have headaches staying too long in SIM. So I always like to put my lectures once a day.
I'll get used to it, right? I will huh...I hope.

Oh and yesterday when my sis was booking the travel, I was looking around in the VCD shop next to it.
BUY 3 GET 1 FREE.
So I did, I bought Jurassic Park, Jurassic Park The Lost World, Harry Potter and The Half-Blood Prince and got The Mist for free. :)
The Lost World was my first ever movie that I watched it in the Cinema. Nostalgic! But somehow I prefer the Jurassic Park. The T-Rex scene is the best...roar!~

Beautiful hangover

2010-09-15T13:45:00.004+08:00

Gosh, never read a Stephen King at night. You'll either get too freaked out or get too hooked up in the story line to sleep.
I slept at about 3.30am yesterday.

My beautiful holiday is nearly over. This is my last week of freedom.
I've truly experienced FREEDOM. I've about 5 months of free time, if I'm having those kind of freedom when I'm older, then it would be considered unemployment. So the best time for one to do really nothing at all and just enjoying the time with whatever one have in mind, this is the only time to do it. There is no better time.

In those months of freedom, I've only stepped out when I really must. Like for umpiring, YOG or outings. Other times, I would be at home slacking away. I've not been out of my house for a long time and when I get out, I do feel a little weird. Time is definitely prolonged, it feels like I've been slacking for years instead of just months. Monotony is such a powerful thing.

During those monthssss:
1) I watched about 10 animes with Monster being the best. I felt lost after finishing monster and every other anime seems so boring and dull now.
2) Played Runescape. I've leveled up so many things and it was really fun, it's nice to see how rs has grown all these years and for the better.
3) Drew 3 Soul Eater characters on impulse. Drawing is such a weird thing, most of the time I don't feel like drawing but then suddenly my hand will itch and I'll and must draw something.
4) Didn't paint at all, can't stand the thought of cleaning up the paint.
5) Didn't lose weight. DAMMIT.
6) I didn't sew at all! :(
7) Subbed many episodes to the point that I don't even remember and don't care how many.
8) Did not revise my Japanese, which means that I'm not taking the exam this year.
9) Bought Guitar and still patiently learning it, gosh my guitar has gotten quite dirty and scratchy.
10) Bought a Creative Zen MP3 4GB which is serving me quite well.
11) Bought MAR comics, $15 for 15 books, sadly it has a nice concept but poor plot development.
12) Working as tt umpire, badminton linejudge and playguide. Earned about $800 in all, which is more then enough for me.
13) Watched WC!
14) Recently interested in classical flims such as Willy Wonka and the Choc factory and Alfred Hitchcock's Rear Window. It's weird seeing people who're already dead still looking good and happy.

I think that's all.

Some may think that I was being lazy and was slacking. But I'm doing this for a reason which will remain my own little secret. I'm planing ahead of things, hoping that it can all go towards my direction. This is all to clear my own little mental disorder, so that I can feel more at ease.

If my brain is wired to the blog, I'll be able to understand myself a little more because night is the time I go insane.

Results and school

2010-08-30T16:33:00.005+08:00

Received my results from the portal recently.
My results? Ok I guess. It's the same feeling I had when I saw that I got A2 for Olevel Chinese.
Not sure if I should be happy or sad.
But whatever.

And recently, my mind is else where so my results doesn't really bother me now.

AND...
Merly is in the house!

Now I have BOTH Lyo and Merly!
Thank god my brother was volunteering at NTU, if not I would not have gotten them at all.
I wanted to name them Johan and Anna but I realised that they already had a name.

Also, I have been wondering if it's happier to get a Silver medal or a Bronze. Because usually, you receive the medals on that day itself.
For a Bronze, you won and got your medal.
But for Silver, you lost and got your medal.

............

So moral of the story, get a GOLD?

YOG Badminton

2010-08-20T17:44:00.004+08:00

Woot! YOG badminton is finally over!
Worked 5 days straight but it was rather relaxing because there were only boys and girls singles.
$50 per session thus meaning that in the finals and semi finals I only need to do 2 matches for $50.
:D

Anyway there were a few players that captured my attention.
I have a higher expectation of guys so guys have to be really good looking to capture my attention.
The most handsome guy would be Job Castillo from Mexico. Almost all the girls where turning their head when he walked pass, including me of course hehe.
But he was not very skilled, the most impressive player would be Pisit Poodchalat from Thailand (won champion). My god he is really good and since I was doing my linesman job, I had perfect vision of how he played. Incredible!

As for the girls, I think Vietman's Vu Tin Trang is the best looking. Initially I was thinking that Japan's Misaki Matsutomo is the cutest (yes, I am biased towards Japanese people). I always find that Japanese girls are so freaking cute. Too bad she got an injury if not I think she would have done much better.
I did like almost 3 matches of Vu's game and I started to realise that she is really good looking! hahah she has this very beautiful blush on her face. Not those flustered red but the pink from within the skin type. :D
Anyway I think China's Deng Xuan is not bad too, she has the same aura I felt from Xie Xingfang. Tall, white, aloof and similar playing style. But I like her hair, ahha looks very nice under the light. When I was doing her match I was looking at her hair most of the time, bouncy...so nice HAHA! And once I was walking very closely to her and she is really very white and her voice is very fluffy light (typical china tone but softer). Very different from her screams on court.

I couldn't really find any nice pictures, but they were all captured on videos.
Job Castillo
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YWpuLpsskdM

Deng Xuan, Vu Thi Trang and the very sexy Thailand supporter in the crowd that entertained me lots by his dancing and shouting. :)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u5sBM0nEc3s

darkness/light

2010-08-11T12:33:00.006+08:00

A: Darkness is not wrong, no one has to take away the darkness in their heart.
It keeps you in reality check.
Embrace the darkness, it's who you are but keep it from view because it's only for you.

B: If you're in the darkness, you're likely to sink further into it.
Aim for the light.
You can see all of light, but you can't see all of the dark.

Which best describes the author and why? [8]
_____________________________________________________________
_____________________________________________________________
_____________________________________________________________
_____________________________________________________________
_____________________________________________________________
_____________________________________________________________
_____________________________________________________________
_____________________________________________________________
_____________________________________________________________
_____________________________________________________________

Aug

2010-08-09T14:15:00.003+08:00

Usually I will write what I've done in a day when I'm mugging.
Most people will write what they should be doing and checking it off and I think it's a waste of time to write those things. Most prob they'll be left unchecked.
I continued to write in my note book even though I'm in my wonderful holiday now.
But I got really tired of repeating myself everyday so I stopped writing. But shit, there are so many activities in aug so I shall write it here instead.

5 Aug
Last Violin lesson. Finally over! :) The violin felt so light.
Dad's bday, ate mango cake from Bengawan Solo.

6 Aug
Went and watch a show with Feng Yi.
Went crazy.

7 Aug
Played Golf with Anna, Kwan and Wong. After that we went walking around in Parkway and got dispersed. I took shuttle bus to bedok, took mrt to Bukit Batok to watch my dad compete in bowling while the 3 of them went blk 85 to eat. My sis and I joined this guy cause his team mates didn't come. Played 69 points HAHA!
My bowling ball was so light it fell prey to physics, played with a 6.

8 Aug
Brother's bday, ate mango cake from prima deli. Whole body was aching like HELL. Together with my sis we met anthony in city hall and I bought my tuner at $25 and a strap at $7.50
Tuner with metronome and tone generator, hope it works correctly. I've no idea what key I should set and if there should be a key at all. Very confusing. Manual is a piece of paper that doesn't tell me much. Initially I was trying to find the frequency and I found out online that it was 440Hz. Since the manual displayed 440Hz and Key C, I assumed that I should be using C.
I'm so clever. Oh but I love the metronome. So loud.
After that, we went Chinatown and looked for old coins. Saw many weird stuff on sale.
And my brother got a free Lyo stuff toy because he was working as YOG volunteer on his bday! Huge too so damm cute! I asked him where is Merly and he said he can only choose one. I'm going to buy Merly.

9 Aug
National Day. Think I'm going to stay at home and watch NDP, play guitar and watch monster.

Chats, Coach.

2010-08-07T03:42:00.006+08:00

I have a serious problem.
I like to act weird when I'm forced to talk.
I tend to say extreme things and I say it with a straight face but laughing inside my head.
I was playing in a mascot suit.
Gosh. Hope FY don't think I'm weird...
But because of my crazy talks, I got to know many more interesting things!
And I warded people away from talking to me, which was what I wanted.
Hehehehehe

Maka Paka Wakamaka Mikamaka Boo~
Clap Clap Side to Side and Turn! :D

I've gathered bad karma today (or yesterday, 3am+ now zzzzz). Feeling guilty :(
But if I'm nice, it would be boring.

What a week

2010-08-02T20:18:00.016+08:00

Last week was a real busy week.
The most hectic out of my 80 slacked days.

Monday - 26 July
Watched animes all day, Monster is a good show. Backed up my blog.

Tuesday - 27 July
Watched animes all day, Monster is really good.

Wednesday - 28 July
Went TPJC with Pricillia for linesman training. It was a waste of time but at least I got to drink my favorite ice lemon tea from the cafe.
Guard: "What class are you in?"
Pricillia: "We grad long ago."
Guard: "Yes, but what class were you in?"
Pricillia: "06S10"
Me:"S27"
Guard: "Wow, that was quite some time huh, 4 years ago."
Me: "Yeah...4 years ago."
Time really flies, going back TPJ was nostalgic even though I hated the school. I can't deny the happy memories.
After the training, both of us went to SYO building to collect our pass and attires. Pricillia drove and I had dinner at her house. Max is still cute, wonder if he knows who I am since I'm always eating dinner at their house.

Thursday - 29 July
Violin second last lesson, left my house late but I was the first to reach again.

Friday - 30 July
YOG opening ceremony preview at Marina Bay the Float. Watched with Georgina, Janice and Wilson?
It was pretty boring but at least I walked the Helix bridge.
Kept thinking it was a Saturday instead of Friday. Ate Burger King.

Saturday - 31 July
Lee Min Ho's meet and greet at Marina Bay Sands. Can't believe I'm back in Marina. Went with sister and 2 of her friends. Stood for very long but I was standing just behind the seats so I had a pretty good view. After that, met Anna to shop. Ate KFC. Bought 2 clothings from Forever 21. Yes, I want to be forever 21.

Sunday - 1 Aug
Lisa's wedding. Their grandma looked like Queen Elizabeth and there were also Justin Bieber (the hair) and Harry Potter look-a-like...although I found out from that they were twins. Ate and drank happily. White wine is perfect with sprite. Felt a little touched during the ceremony, the same with huijun's wedding. I wish for my cousin's happiness! :D
After that I went and played Left4Dead with my sister and Anthony. It wasn't as fun as there were technical errors and the owner didn't give us extra time. My brother was a joke as he dunked himself by gulping the white wine thus he didn't come with us. Humans should be more self aware.
Played RS with Anthony and his friend but his friend left during the boss fight. Gosh it was so funny, we died and resurrected so many times. Repeatedly slaughtered by level 134 boss...that bitch.

Fighting.
Casting my fire magic at her from a distance, I'm a spider magnet.
Our victory dance.

Omg, I'm going to play RS again. Together with my sis and cousin!
Lets ransack the dungeon.

OKTO

2010-07-31T02:52:00.004+08:00

Pardon me for being so late but something really shocked me just now.
Yesterday I woke up very early and watched the first show on OKTO.
Initially I thought it would be Sesame Street, but it turned out to be a really weird show instead.
I watched, deeply intrigued.
It wasn't a show that captivated me like Pingu did but there was a certain unexplained humor in the show.

I instantly thought of Teletubbies. It has the same humor that can't be explained.
And guess what, that weird show was created by the same team that created Teletubbies...shocking.
Just found out the name - IN THE NIGHT GARDEN.

I wasn't a huge fan of Teletubbies nor this show but I liked how the show was presented. Strangely, they have the power to make me sit and watch. When the presenter was saying "Good night little children, it's time for bed", I looked at my watch and was shocked that 30 mins has already passed. It's amazing!

I was so wide awake and anxious to watch the next show. It turned out to be Caillou (pronounced as ka-you) and I fell asleep. Yes Caillou, I know him. Anyone can remember the bald head but kids show like these can never really captivate me. 3D animated kids shows are worse. So dead.
Show for pre-school kids have to have texture, at least that's how I feel.

I'm dying to be a mascot.

REJECTs

2010-07-30T13:39:00.004+08:00

I've invited almost anyone I know to watch the YOG opening ceremony CR3 with me and...

Michelle - Sorry can't, going JB with family tonight.
Carmen - I don't like to watch opening ceremonies.
Tseyun - I'm not very interested.
Huiilng - Not interested.
Feng Yi - I teaching tuition and I not interested in these ceremonies.
Sister - Sorry meeting up with friends.
Parents - Oh sorry we have some dinner with aunt.
Brother - I can't.
Deborah - I'm interested! But I got cell group, sorry.
Jinbo - Sorry, no fireworks I not going.
Pricillia - I'm interested! But I got work...
Jing Pei - I don't mind going, but I got tuition kid and he/she having exam soon.
Pearlin - I still working!
Grace - I don't like crowded places.
Swan - I got class tonight.
Anna - Don't want.
Ming Fong - Got appointment.
Jeslyn - Woking!!
Fu Foong - You are?
Yi Rui - Sorry working!

But finally, I've found a friend to go with me.
Georgina! hahaha!

Animes!

2010-07-23T18:39:00.002+08:00

These days I've been crazily watching animes.
Either I'm subbing one or I'm watching now.
I guess it's the only thing I can do for now huh.

Thinking about it, I've completed watching:
96 animes, 26 anime movies and 8 mangas.

Going to reach 100 soon! Samurai shows are my love or rather Katanas. Had a strong urge to order Kenshi's reverse blade from US but I just realised that even if I ordered, it won't reach Singapore.
"Learn the way of the sword."

I really think guns and cannons sucks.
Anyone can shoot, any loser can hold a gun and kill.
When 2 guys face each other with the same gun, it's decided by the speed of the trigger pull.
But when 2 guys face each other with swords, it's decided by skill.
Alas, I still prefer dual wielding pistols (like Lara Croft) then holding a katana in Left4Dead2.

Currently watching:
One outs
Hakuouki
Kimi ni todoke (forced by sister)
Yugioh GX
Rave
Binbou Shimai Monogatari

Waiting for sis to watch with me:
K-ON!! season 2
Suzumiya Haruhi no Yuuutsu (2009)
Hagane no Renkinjutsushi (2009)
Jigoku Shoujo Mitsuganae
Gunslinger Girl -Il Teatrino-
Inuyasha: The Final Act

My 1st guitar!

2010-07-20T00:21:00.002+08:00

I bought my Guitar on 17-7-2010!
Now, I think I need a stand and a strap.

My left fingers are constantly numb now. :)
It's a good feeling!

For some reason, I feel much happier when I play guitar as compared to the violin. Every time I play the violin I feel so tired and I'll sweat.
I'm so sorry violin, I can hear your cries.
But it's not like I am giving up on you! Fret not, I'll always be with you~

I guess I'll have to scout for guitar stands too. Should I call JP and her friends along? I think they will be like, "Just put your guitar on the floor la."
But I've a feeling someone will step on it one day and they will scold me for "putting my things all over the place."

Anyway, so many of my friends bought guitars. I feel half responsible for them (cause I was the catalyst!) and it kinda stresses me. It's like suddenly everyone near me is learning the guitar, like the 1960s huh.

It's so late already, I need to sleep. I've been constantly waking up at 12pm nowadays, very bad.
3 alarms couldn't wake me up. 4 alarms then.
Night~

pondering

2010-07-13T23:38:00.002+08:00

Ten years in a girls' school can make one weird.
I guess you will be highly competitive and sensitive huh.
But it's not like mixed sch people are all normal...

Well, just a thought.
How people change according to their environment.
Is single sex education better than coeducation?

For me, I feel that guys are better off in a single sex sch. For some reasons I feel that girls are actually more competitive. It's in us, we can't deny it.
Some girls can say that they are never jealous of anyone but I think they are all lying.
We can't not feel jealousy or a little envious of others. It's the same as saying, "Oh, I've never felt angry/happy in my life before."
Bullshit.

Being jealous is what makes a girl. Maybe jealous is too strong, but definitely envious. We are envious and then we compete. Guys compete of course, but in a different way. Guys compete physically but girls compete spiritually. Put me in a room full of girls and I can almost instantly sieve out friends, only-say-hi-in-sch friends and so on. One or few chats and I can know for sure I will be or won't be part of your life. So since girls form clusters much faster then guys, then it's for sure they will be more competitive. Hrum strangely, I am not totally convinced by myself. Ok, lets say competitive = bitchy. Oh yes, girls ARE more competitive.

When I look at my brother, I really feel that guys should be in single sex school. Well of course single sex school have its own set of problems like guys doing all dirty things together (like ARMY) but considering their age when they are in secondary, I doubt it would be anything severe. It may even enhance male bonding...
Male bonding huh...hehe.

Son: "Mom, I'm gay."
Me: " Oh, why do you think think so?"
Son: "I feel happy with guys..."
Me: "When did it start?"
Son: "Not really sure..."
Me: " Maybe it will change over time, because environment drastically changes a person."
Son: "Maybe..."
Me: "Anyway, mom is so proud of you for being so frank. Good for you!"
*Hugs*

In any case, I would send my son to a single sex school and my girl to a mixed.
That is if they have no preferences.

Daughter: "Mom, I want to be in a girls' school."
Me: "Ok, which school?"
Daughter: " St Anthony Canossian"
Me: " You better reconsider darling."

HAHAH
Well I guess it still depends on which sch one goes to. People from certain school have certain traits. Like I'm from NAS and I am full of courtesy and righteousness. :)

Ah, I really really miss NAS.

The days that I can never go back to and the days that will always be in my memory.

WC

2010-07-13T01:01:00.002+08:00

WC has finally ended and SPAIN is the winner.
It was quite a boring match too, if not for it being the finals I would have went to sleep after half time.
Oh and nice work octopus! I was so proud of you.
It's a bit sad that Paul won't be alive in the next world cup. Wonder which octopus will replace him.

I feel like flying over to Brazil for the next world cup...just hoping. Hoping that I've the time and guts to just fly over.

Anyway, I feel really confused nowadays. My heart is feeling uneasy...and I don't really know why I'm feeling that way.
"I don't necessary want it, but when someone gets it I will feel sad and jealous."
From drama Get Karl Go.

Is this...love? I've never felt that way before.
I keep thinking about him but I know it's impossible, because he seems so far away from me. The more I know about him, the further he feels.

I shall distract myself, ohh nice DS! :)
My pretty DS is right in front of me. Recently, I went Qishan and bought this cute taiko no tatsujin DS lite skin. So cute!~ It looks perfect on my DS!

Oh and I've Guitar woes now. I am contemplating whether to buy the Tribal package for $115 from Manning (that is if I take up his lessons) or go Bras Basah and select a cheaper guitar and personally hand-pick my accessories. It's so frustrating because guitar shops sells a standard set of guitars and there is not yet a shop that has both the Tribal and the other ones I want. So it's quite hard to compare. I saw the red Fina that Janice wanted to sell me too! But it was priced at $135 with no accessories, of course I could bargain but I don't really like pushing the prices here and there. And when I was playing it, I didn't really feel anything. This is what physical love is about huh.

I will make one more trip down to Bras Basah to look at Ranking Sports and to find bloody Parkland Shopping Mall. I don't know whether I should also consider the guitars from Davis Guitar shop too. But my heart tells me to go back to Ranking Sports, I wonder why.

Other people's words

2010-07-08T17:34:00.003+08:00

I will not be made out of people's words.
Sometimes it really hurts when people decides for me who I am and what I should be.

Let me try. I want to try as many things as possible with my own means, I've not interfered with nor infringed on anyone's rights. I don't understand why others will want to disrupt my line of thoughts or why they can't just let me be.

I know what I am doing, I am not mistaken. It's now or never because nobody can surpass time. Those who could not understand, please step aside. You can continue in your cycle forever.

So what if in your opinion nothing will come out of it? In my opinion, every try brings me closer to finding the answer. I'll not falter here, there is hardly any time left.

Sleeping Days

2010-07-05T15:14:00.004+08:00

Recently, I have been sleeping more than 10 hours. Just now I woke up at 11.30am and went back to sleep again to realised that now it's already 3pm in the afternoon. What a scare.
Looks like I won't be sleeping early tonight again, but I have to cause there is umpiring job tomorrow. My only motivation is the cash.

Umpiring national schools is really easy money. Cause you get paid about $30 dollars/hour. I earned $120 per day if there are 2 sessions and you get paid instant cash. Awesome huh.

I think my sleeping pattern is totally wrecked (not that I was sleeping any earlier before) because of World Cup.
Although I never watch leagues and I have no interest in the players occasional news, I totally love the world cup. And I am not those people who are not interested, but sort of pretended to be just cause everyone is watching. I really do watch almost all the matches and I can say that I've watched 80% of it. Some people will ask if you are watching for the guys and I think that is totally ridiculous. The reason why I watch wc is because it's a world sporting event. How nice to see the whole of the world compete against each other and it's more exciting due to the fact that it's once in 4 years.
Soccer is a sport that everyone can understand just by watching and I think that's the beauty that captivated me. And I think I will start to appreciate such events more as I get older. It's like if you are interested in the world cup, you've already grown old. The next time I am watching wc, I will be 25 years old. I still remembered watching wc when I was 17 and that already seem so far away form me. Time really waits for no one.

There is a certain beauty in world sporting events because you see the whole nation connecting. But I guess some people are just not interested at all...

Anyway I am once again addicted to Left4Dead2. HAHA It is still very fulfilling to murder zombies.

WORK

2010-06-18T10:50:00.003+08:00

I don't want to work but work is always finding me.
WHY?!? :(

Going to be spending my precious time doing linesman job today and tomorrow...Sunday even...WHY?
Being a linesman is an easy job, but I rather slack at home! June is nearly over and for July, I will be crammed with umpire jobs. Will my precious July be gone too???
Omg, I feel so sick.
I need more time!

And yesterday, I was the only violin student. Tsk!

Oh no, I really dread going anywhere now. :(
WC has drained all the life away from me.

blogger change?

2010-06-11T01:59:00.003+08:00

Did blogger change layout? This is a little hard to get use to...but whatever.

Staying at home with no particular work needed to be accomplished brings my brain to a buzz from over thinking.
There are so many thoughts in my brain that sometimes, I feel like they are bursting out and headaches will occur.
I find it really hard to explain to people about it, but if you are one that watched and get the gist of Genius Party - Limit Cycle, it sort of feels like that - just an endless muttering of debatable words.

Last month, I received the organ donation letter that everyone will eventually receive when they are nearly 21 years of age. There was no hesitation in donating, I don't mind one bit. But as I was reading through the whole package, there was a sudden fear. To me, I feel that there IS an afterlife. Not a really fanciful thought, but just that I feel that everyone has a place after we die because we each have a different spirit residing within us that makes us different from one another. Think about it, we all have the same heart, same brain etc...but we are all so different in our thoughts. Based on that alone, I choose to believe in the afterlife/ghosts/gods. There must be somewhere for our spirits to go after we die. In any case, what I feared was this: that I will lose my sight in my afterlife due to the donation of my cornea. It's like, what if...just what if...those people that have donated their organs and died was actually suffering in their afterlife? Ok, I know this sounds really dumb but since nobody can prove anything about the afterlife, anything is kinda possible.
I talked to my mom about it and surprisingly, she led me to my answer.
Me: "Mom, will I lose my sight and be a blind ghost?"
Mom: "Hah, who knows."
Me: "Then should I opt out from the program?"
Mom: "Hrum..."
Me:"Oh no, what should I do?"
Mom: "When we die, only our spirits are left."
BINGO
Yes, since only our spirits are left, then it makes sense that I won't lose my sight because my spirit have eyessss. :)
Case Closed.

Recently I watched some videos of the Microsoft Courier. It's totally amazing, but scary at the same time.
I wonder why people embrace technology. Technology speeds up the society and thus our overall evolution. That Courier thingy could be the possible norm in the future. It was less than a decade ago that I was using a black and white beep beep text phone. Now, everyone is using the Iphone, smart phones...and they don't feel a thing. It's scary to me, the direction we are heading, all the overwhelming technology that we don't actually need and people are embracing them with open arms. Evolution is good but unnecessary evolution is pointless!
I see pointless things everyday!! ARGHH! Technology is making me sad, it is making me feel feel "old".
I wonder what IS the future, which technology will actually last and become the everyday life? Definitely not 3D television in my opinion.
Case Unclosed.

For the past 6 days I was down with many different sickness. I am still feeling rather weak now with a very small appetite and a very weak stomach. I was down with fever for 2 days, highest temperature being 38.9 (not exactly very high) and my whole body felt like it was peeling...it became very sensitive to touch and lying on bed feels like I was lying on needles instead. A terrifying feeling.
Next, there seem to be some bacteria attacking my stomach and I had toilet meetings every 30 mins. The toilet became my home and I re-read the NTU times for godknowshowmanytimes. I was shitting out shit WATER but there was no stomach ache at all, so I just took my time shitting...and I was still shitting after 3 days.
I became a little concerned and told my family about it:
Me: "Mom, I have been shitting for 3 days straight"
Mom:"I knew it, you have gastric! I told you before blah...bla"
Me: "No, it's not! I have been shitting water!And what gastric? I always eat! Goodness!"
Sister:"What happened? Aiyo, you could die shitting you know"
Me:"HAHA!"
Sister: "You could die from dehydration"
Me:*freaks out*
And so I took medication and I am now feeling better, although the whole body is still weak form over-shitting.
There is still sudden bouts of acute stomach ache but I am visiting the toilet less frequently.
Case Closed...hopefully.

Violin lesson today!! After 2 months of no lesson! And I am urging myself to get a guitar soon, no more stalling! I NEED TO GET IT.
And I think I have really lost weight because of all the shitting and a great loss of appetite. Just weighed myself, I lost 1 kg? Oh wait and I forgot to mention that I have armpit RASH. I have no idea why those rashes chose my left armpit out of all places. It's so itchy...itchyyyy and no medication seem to work and it spreadssss when you scratch it. My sis was saying it may be the crawling rash, CAN'T BE. My mom says white vinegar can kill bacteria and I think it did! I applied it and it's rather effective. But it gets even itchier when you apply it...so itchy...sooo itchyyy...ITCHYY!

Life is rather monotonous right now but I have not stop thinking about it once. I am still keeping my dream alive, hoping that all the things I am doing will bring me to a happier place. I will not stop believing or trying even if there seem to be nothing for me down the road.

Sleep time and I want to wake up early tml. I must also remember to eat my gigantic calcium pills before meal...those freaking manufacturers, they think that everyone have such huge throats.

Freedom!

2010-05-19T18:54:00.006+08:00

Nearly a month since I last blogged.

After 2 weeks of tedious tests, I am finally free.
But I refuse to work!

People ask me how then do I get my money to spend
Easy, I just don't step out of my house. The end.

Been playing tonnes of games and I am actively logging in to Runescape everyday.
I am also diligently subbing animes.
I just finished subbing Yugioh GX 76 and I think I can save lots of people from watching lousy ass 4kids Dubs.
It's actually weird that I am subbing yugioh GX 76...cause I was one of the many that was patiently waiting for someone to sub it and upload it. (So that I can finally watch it)
In the end it turned out that I am going to be the one subbing it. And I have not idea why other sub teams are not subbing it. I can't seem to find ANY subbed version of it online (and thus taking me soo long to finish watching yugioh GX )
Also, I realised that Yigioh DM is also very badly subbed. I also subbed a few DM episodes ( I think it was 157 and 155) and the quality of sub is really much better then those uploaded on youtube.

I think I subbed yugioh GX 76 for about 4 hours straight...my back is aching now.
During this holiday, I must sub as many episodes as possible.
Paint as much as possible.
Practice violin as much as possible.
Sew as much as possible.
Gaming as much as possible.
I don't see how people can get bored at home. There are so many things to do at home! :)

And I need to get a guitar soon...although I feel that my sis is not very supportive of me learning guitar which makes it hard for me to practice at home and I've not been diligently practicing violin too. Wonder if I can actually have the will and self-discipline to learn another instrument when my violin is still so noobish.

But...life is very enjoyable at the moment. :D
Any problem is too little a problem to be fussed over~

Crazy shit

2010-04-21T09:17:00.002+08:00

Sometimes I wonder why I try so hard.
I tried so hard to patch my family up, hoping that I can have a perfect happy family.
But just 1 moron can destroy all that I have built up.
Why don't they take my advice? Is is my fault for not being convincing enough?
Or are they just so moronic that they are blinded by the obvious? Going round in circles and hoping that the problem will be solved by itself.

Wishful thinking.
All in all, I am just there in the family but not part of it.
Is that it?? Was I never part of it?
I am sick of being the nice puppy, always threading everyone together.
But I am so rational that I could never do irrational things just out of spite.
So in the end, I will still be the loyal dog barking away.

Keeping myself sane in midst of insanity builds character. No wonder I have such a great character. Cheers to myself~

Keep smiling

My mp3 list

2010-03-29T11:31:00.005+08:00

I just had a major revamp on the songs in my mp3. I was wondering down the years, what kind of music will stay or leave my mp3.
I used to love The Brilliant Green's songs, but now I was bored of it and deleted hell lots from my mp3. I wonder when I started thinking that their songs were boring..it's weird don't you think?
Certain songs will stay forever with you, but there are some other passing ones that comes into your life just that instance to satisfy you.

I think I am the only klutz that thinks like that, cause others freaking have 8GB++ storage. I only have 1GB! :)
I think having too much storage is kinda bad, cause there will be songs that are 'left-overs'. Songs that you didn't even know existed in your mp3, which is sad. Sometimes, it's hard to delete those songs that you've grown attached to but at the same time grown really bored of. BUT, once you deleted it, you don't really remember/feel emotional about it. I think once in a while, we should filter things that are not necessary in our lives. Stop hanging on to things that you thought you have feelings for and let them all go.

My mp3 list:
AI OTSUKA
1. Beko ni Fusen
2. Bidama
3. Chu-lip
4. Daisukidayo
5. Friends
6. Frienger
7. H20
8. HEART
9. Is
10. Kimi ni Kaeru
11. Kingyo Hanabi
12. Kurage, Nagareboshi
13. Love Music
14. Natsu Sora
15. Pocket
16. Tears
17. Ticket
18. Yumekui

ANIME
1. Blood+ -[OP 1]- Aozora no Namida
2. Blood+ -[OP 3]- Colors of the Heart
3. Chobits -[OP 1]- Let Me Be With You
4. Full Metal Alchemist -[OP 4]- Rewrite
5. Hana Yori Dango Returns - Futsuu no nichiyoubi
6. Hataraki Man -[ED]- Shangri-La
7. Honey & Clover -[ED 1]- Waltz
8. Honey & Clover -[OP 1]- Dramatic
9. Inuyasha -[ED 2]- Fukai Mori
10. Inuyasha -[ED 5]- Shinjitsu no Uta
11. Kemono no Souja Erin -[ED2]- Kitto Tsutaete
12. Kemono no Souja Erin -[OP1]- Shizuku
13. Kita-he(Diamond Dust Drops) - [OST 3] - Diamond Dust Drops Main Theme
14. Kita-he(Diamond Dust Drops) - [OST 8] - Sora No Kanata
15. K-ON -[OP 1]- Cagayake! GIRLS
16. Lain -[OP1]- Duvet
17. Lucky Star -[OP]- Motteke! Sailor Fuku
18. Maria Holic -[ED]- Kimi ni, Mune Kyun
19. Maria Holic -[OP]- HANAJI
20. NANA -[ED1]- A Little Pain
21. NANA -[ED2]- Starless Night
22. NANA -[OP2]- Wish
23. Ouran High School Host Club - Mata Ashita!

CHINESE
1. S.H.E - 中國話
2. 五月天 - 突然好想你
3. 南拳媽媽 - 牡丹江
4. 南拳媽媽 -下雨天
5. 周杰伦 - 本草纲目
6. 周杰伦 - 菊花台
7. 周杰伦 - 青花瓷
8. 孫燕姿 - 咕嘰咕嘰
9. 張韶涵 - 不想懂得
10. 張韶涵 - 不痛
11. 張韶涵 - 夢裡花
12. 張韶涵 - 寓言
13. 張韶涵 - 真的
14. 張韶涵 - 遺失的美好
15. 張韶涵 - 隐形的翅膀
16. 徐佳瑩 - 明知故犯
17. 徐佳瑩 - 一樣的月光
18. 徐佳瑩 - 出口
19. 徐佳瑩 - 哼情歌
20. 徐佳瑩 - 失落沙洲
21. 徐佳瑩 - 白旗
22. 徐佳瑩 - 身騎白馬

IKIMONO GAKARI
1. Akaneiro no Yakusoku
2. Aoi Fune
3. Blue Bird
4. Boku wa Koko ni Iru
5. Futari
6. Hana wa Sakura Kimi wa Utsukushi
7. HANABI
8. Hi Nageshi
9. HOT MILK
10. Hotaru No Hikari
11. Joyful
12. Kaeritakunatta yo
13. Kageboshi
14. Kimagure Romanteikku
15. Kimi to Aruita Kisetsu
16. Koisuru Otome
17. Kokoro Hitotsu Arugamama
18. Kokoro no Hana wo Sakaseyou
19. Kuchiduke
20. Maboroshi
21. Natsuzora Graffiti
22. Planetarium
23. Pugi Ugi
24. Ryuusei MIRACLE
25. SAKURA
26. Seishun Line
27. Tsukiyo Koi Kaze
28. Uruwashiki Hito
29. YELL
30. Yuki Yamane Yoru Futari

JPOP
1. 2BACKKA - Namida
2. Aiko- Star
3. Aqua Timez - Ketsui no Asa ni
4. Arashi - Troublemaker
5. Ayaka - Okaeri
6. Ayumi Hamasaki - Alterna
7. Ayumi Hamasaki - Evolution
8. Do As Infinity - Aurora
9. Do As Infinity - Buranko
10. Do As Infinity - Enrai
11. Do As Infinity - Hiiragi
12. Do As Infinity - Kitakaze
13. Do As Infinity - MERAMERA
14. Do As Infinity - NIGHTER
15. Do As Infinity - Rakuen
16. Do As Infinity - TAO
17. Do As Infinity - Yesterday & Today
18. JUJU - Sakura Ame
19. K - Only Human
20. Mr.Children- Not Found
21. Mr.Children- Youthful Days
22. TommyFeb6 - Lonely in Gorgeous
23. TommyFeb6 - Love is forever
24. TommyFeb6 - MaGic in youR Eyes
25. TommyFeb6 - Hey my friend
26. TommyHeavenly6 - +Gothic Pink+
27. TommyHeavenly6 - I'm Gonna SCREAM+
28. Utada Hikaru - Prisoner of Love

NAMIE AMURO
1. Alarm
2. All For You
3. Baby Don't Cry
4. FAST CAR
5. Four Seasons
6. FUNKY TOWN
7. Girl Talk
8. Love Game
9. My Darling
10. Namie's Style
11. New Look
12. Queen Of Hip-Pop
13. So Crazy
14. The Speed Star
15. Want Me, Want Me
16. Wishing On The Same Star
17. Wowa

THE BEATLES
1. Baby You Can Drive My Car
2. Eleanor Rigby
3. From Me To You
4. Hello Goodbye
5. Help!
6. Hey Jude
7. I Feel Fine
8. I Want to Hold Your Hand
9. Lady Madonna
10. Love Me Do
11. Paperback Writer
12. She Loves You
13. Twist and Shout
14. Yellow Submarine
15. Yesterday

THE BRILLIANT GREEN
1. Forever to me ~Owari Naki Kanashimi~
2. Hello another way
3. Holidays!
4. Rainy Days Never Stays
5. Round And Round
6. Stand by me
7. There Will Be Love
8. Wishing You

梁静茹
1. 兒歌
2. 屬於
3. 崇拜
4. 情歌
5. 會呼吸的痛
6. 丝路
7. 亲亲
8. 分手快乐
9. 可惜不是你
10. 听不到
11. 无条件为你
12. 為我好
13. 用力抱著

Total: 174 songs

Essay

2010-03-19T03:09:00.002+08:00

Hi, I am an OWL.

I have been diligently writing my essay for SS. I can't believe I wrote 1121 words! My goodness.
I am now trying hard to edit. Guess I am too long winded or that I have too many things to write.

I have interesting in joining Vibes also. But I am very afraid that it will take up lots of my time..so I guess maybe end of the year, after I attend some writing skills workshop? I often imagine I am a newspaper article writer you know. But I don't usually read newspaper articles (irony)..cause every news is becoming similar and reading too much news tainted me once. So I am not going to read news faithfully.

Recently, I have been crazy over The Three Kingdoms. I am intending to watch the live-action. Although I know that the story is not 100% historically accurate, it is still thrilling to watch and I totally love the way they speak. So formal and shiok. I must learn to speak like that one day.

Brain dead. I shall continue editing it tml.
Night

Exams over!

2010-03-12T13:56:00.005+08:00

Exams are finally over!

Straight after exams on Monday, I went Sam's house and played mahjong with David and Anna all the way till 8-9pm.

This was the 2nd time I gambled with Mahjong and this was the 2nd time again that I lost. haha
But spending $2.10 for mahjong lesson, it's worth it.
Felt that I improved quite a lot from the previous time. tsk!
Anyway I won $2 plus from Big 2 during New year, so I guess it counters off huh.
I guess it shows something- you can never win from gambling.

Anyway, I slacked for 3 whole days. TUE, WED and THUR.
Need to study soon if not the momentum will be gone and final exams are not exactly far off.
I must be fully prepared. I don't want to step into the exam halls again with half a bucket full.

I think I will be slacking today, cause I have to go for Ryan's 21st birthday. I better start studying soon and I must faster finish my application for SS!

Btw! I am getting a Guitar soon! :D
So excited!!!
And I must focus on violin as well, no more being shy. No more being awkward when asked to play for them to listen. I acknowledged my lack of skills and so I shouldn't feel awkward at all . I must play whenever I can and listen to all their advices.
I was so scared that they will give up teaching me. It's not like they won't teach me (cause I paid), its just that I don't want them to feel bored teaching a noob like me. I really want them to feel my improvement and give them the impression that I wasn't wasting their time.

But for now, my only wish is to get the SS. Getting it will enable all my plans to flow cause I don't want to work but at the same time, I don't want to see my money dropping any further.
And I NEED lots of money during the holidays and this year being the 21st for 1989 babies, I will really be spending more than I want. I have been staying at home all these while cause I don't want to incur any expenses. Rejected all the study/shopping/clubbing invitations. Gonna be a hermit crab for the whole month..I hope.

Oh and I need to exercise soon, the only part of my body that has been exercised is my left arm. The muscles are aching now due to over exertion from violin practice.
Exercise, exercise, exercise
Study, study, study
Practice, practice, practice

Mugged Feb

2010-03-02T18:47:00.003+08:00

WOOTs!

I passed my JLPT4! :D
Received the letter yesterday and I ripped it open straight away. I was thinking that if I fail, I will still continue to take JLPT3 this year.. and I was pretty stressed studying POA so I wasn't really freaking out.
Anyway I passed so ya, I will be taking JLPT3 this year..
My sis passed her JLPT1 too. Now she is thinking if she should take JLPT1 again cause there is no more test for her to take. TSK TSK

Study study and more study.
I studied 48 hours last week! HAHA
Finally broke the 35hour study week plan. Now I must continue to study more so that I can maintain 35 hours a week.

Long time since I used the computer for so long.
Prelims are nearly over. Left one more paper to go!
Btw, my sis and I joined the GX-sub team and we are now translating RAVE! Hope my translation skills will improve.

Winter Olympics is so nice to watch. So many interesting sports..watching them ski,snowboard,sled,curl,icehocky,luge and skate makes me wanna live on a cold mountain. Damm, I want to SNOWBOARD DOWN THE HILL!!
Sometimes, I feel so fed up that there is only freaking Summer in Singapore. Like can you imagine? I will live my whole life not experiencing the seasonal changes. I hope to live in another country for at least a year so that I can fully experience the weather changes..but I am afraid of stepping out of the country.
Because you will never be a native no matter what you do and you will not be easily accepted into the society. On the outside they will be welcoming you, but there will always be a gap that can't be filled.

There is a strong will within me pushing me forward. I feel like I can accomplish anything if I worked hard enough.
I will work towards my dreams. No more passing dreams, no more excuses.

"There can be no mistake about who I am now"

Busy times

2010-01-28T23:31:00.003+08:00

Long time no see bloggie!

Many stuff happened this month, both happy and sad.
I got so depressed to a point where I just couldn't do anything properly. But of course, being me, I would never want others to see the weak side of me. So I doubt anyone actually noticed..

It was headache all the time and I felt to weak. Sometimes I just feel like crying, especially when I am bathing. It is good to cry while you are bathing, cause nobody will hear or notice anything. Most of the time I got angry too, but I just stayed silent. I figured that whatever I said makes no difference and I was really too tired to even try communicating.

Anyway, I am a strong person. I don't keep whining or being a loser. Some other people are just so weak. They are depressed all the time and for no freaking good reason (my brother). I have my own reason to be sad about, its something that lives deep in my heart. But of course, I don't think anyone would or can understand my thoughts.

If its my own issues and I will try my hardest to solve it myself.
I freaking hate it when others don't help themselves even when there are so many people around you trying to help.

Anyway, IVP was over. Let me summaries the matches:
8Jan, vs SP (Won)
12Jan vs NYP (Won)
14Jan vs NUS (Lost)
19Jan vs NTU (Lost)
20Jan vs TP (Won)
Overall result: 3rd

I realised something, characters don't change. The only thing that changes in a person is his or her attitude.
So don't fret when someone doesn't want to take your advice.
It is not your fault at all.

Happy end of January. Time FLIES man.
Oh and I am loving Left 4 Dead 2, killed countless zombies with my friends and siblings.
I want to overcome THAT bridge.

DECEMBER

2009-12-31T20:30:00.000+08:00

The whole of December in summary.

1 Dec
Went for POA lecture, JLPT4 preparation.
2 Dec
Banking lecture, JLPT4 preparation.
3 Dec
Violin lesson 4, JLPT4 preparation.
4 Dec
Maths lecture, JLPT4 preparation.
5 Dec
JLPT4 preparation.
6 Dec
JLPT4 Exam, Huiting's 21st birthday celebration (huiling, xueli, tseyun)

7 Dec
Econs lecture.
8 Dec
POA lecture, table tennis training.
9 Dec
Banking lecture, NYJC friendly match. Something memorable happened, one girl suddenly asked if I was the NAS girl that played against Gan Eng Seng in the final match. Apparently, NYJC has recruited lots of Cedar and Gan Eng Seng players. No wonder they remembered about that triangle death match. But that question made me nostalgic and made me realised just how much I appreciate the exposure, experiences and friends table tennis has given me.
10 Dec
Violin lesson 5, violin outing at Mac.
11 Dec
Slacked
12 Dec
Painting the walls of my house in Green, shopped at Audio house + Giant + Bedok for my MP4 but I did not get one in the end.
13 Dec
Studied a little econs.

14 Dec
Econs lecture, studied a little POA.
15 Dec
POA lecture, did my banking assignment, trained in school.
16 Dec
Banking lecure.
17 Dec
Violin lesson 6
18 Dec
Maths lecutre.
19 Dec
Ate ramen at illuma with sister and christine, went suntec IT fair and bought a black Samsung S3600 flip phone for $168. Got voucher for free cake and ice cream from Awfully Chocolate. :)
Waited for the freaking 518 for 1 hour plus, saw Ming Fong and chatted. Decided to take train instead and sister gave me a super black face.
20 Dec
Mother's birthday! Collected the free cake treated that as birthday cake HAHA :)

21 Dec
Econs lecture, did POA assignment 2.
22 Dec
POA lecture, went cousin house. OMG, nicole is so cute! ahhahah she can walk now but she is still her usual bossy self. My sister and I filmed videos of her playing around.
23 Dec
Banking lecture, parents went Thailand.
24 Dec
Studied a little econs.
25 Dec
CHRISTMAS! Ice skate and dinner with carmen, xueli, tseyun, huiling. Damm and SIM student card is not eligible for student fare! How unfair! Oh and the cashier used DEBIT when I said nets. I know there is no difference, but I just dislike the idea of using a signature to pay. After ice skating, they came my house and ate pizza. Played DS mario kart and PS2 games. They left my house at 11pm and I went huiling's house to see sky and the 5 cats. hehe so cute!Ran home after that, I only took about 10 plus mins to reach home. Didn't know we live that close man.
26 Dec
Slacked.
27 Dec
Studied a little econs.

28 Dec
Parents return from Thailand. Did major housework on econs.
29 Dec
Practiced violin, did a little econs.
30 Dec
Studied POA, practiced violin.
31 Dec
Last day of dec! Going to the beach with family. Mom said the boats will shoot off fireworks. AHHA like real but I don't care cause I am going to play sparkles! Hope my sis comes home early today. (I hope we do go to the beach....I don't want to stay at home!)

HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE!

mixed feelings

2009-12-16T21:25:00.005+08:00

Sometimes I have this weird thought. My brother should not have existed.
Having a younger brother at home makes me irritated. He showed me the pathetic existence of men and makes me lose faith in them.

I always wondered why I refused to get into a relationship and the reason may be my brother. With his actions and thoughts, I have came to this conclusion that men cannot be relied on.
I know I am just making a general comment. I know for a fact that not all guys are like that although I do know one fact- guys have their bodily needs. Which is more than enough to disgust me. Maybe I am just being biased but I am trying hard to accept them the way they are. I try to overlook all the flaws just like how women have their own irritating attitudes. Some women can really be a pain in the ass.

I figured the only way to salvage my own crazy psychological thoughts is to compensate and balance the pros and cons of men and women. I will try my hardest to be unbiased in my judgment.

I hope one day someone will come along and convince me, but I know I have to first allow myself to be convinced.
And I have to reinstate my stand- although my brother is a pathetic weak-willed type of guy, he is not evil or anything terrible. He just happens to be really lacking in EQ and have a prehistoric vocabulary which makes his every comment shallow and lacking in depth. Sometimes he acts like a pathological lier but that is still currently unproven, yet.

SL being emotional, psychological..yes, she is reading a Murakami book again.
And yes, writing down what you think helps you better understand yourself and your problems. Thank you Mr. Murakami.

Off to another topic:
Recently, I have realised that competing with others is a painful process. By competing with others, you tend to attract competition too. The best solution is to not care about what others are doing or how well/poor they fared. Set your own targets and achieve them, by reaching your own targets you are walking on steps you have created yourself. Everyone out there is competing by stepping over others- the dog eat dog world. They are trying so ridiculously hard to climb higher by stepping on other's failures. This is the sick but inevitable truth, like how you would be subconsciously happy when you know that you have scored higher than others, cause you know that you are higher up and you have succeeded in 'steeping' over them. Or how people around you would say you have cheated or giving you snide comments when you scored higher, they are actually trying to pull you down in an attempt to step over your head.

Anyway, if you are perceived to be dumb, success will not convince others. Those who have regarded you as inferior will not be impressed by what you have achieved. They will not fully acknowledge your hard work and will instead convince themselves that it was due to something hard to be explained, something like luck.
It is human nature to disregard others' success, because we are implanted with jealousy. But not trying to hide your jealousy is just totally intolerable. By disregarding others' success straight in their face is just brainless nutter which you have subconsciously acted out. A case of harboring too much of such thoughts makes every action and words said come naturally, without even yourself noticing it.
There is actually a sick loophole, or a human nature called pity. When you are definitely worse off, like being handicapped or growing up in a bad environment and you happen to be really successful, EVERYONE will be impressed no matter how mentally wired they are. So the bottom line is, if you want to be successful, be soooo successful that it glares their eyes. Or be so pathetic that people will pity you and hope for your success.

My hands are cold from typing too fast, a signal to stop blogging.

Oh and if you are reading this brother, please do not feel depressed after reading. Any comments can be inquired from me directly. (I doubt he will even read my blog but just in case.)

Weak will, weak mind.

2009-12-08T02:19:00.035+08:00

Melancholy.

I feel strangely depressed. My left eye is hurting, I am hungry.
I need music to distract myself away from my own thoughts.

Why am I so hesitant?
Why does it feel so hard to continue?

What was that strange feeling I felt just now? My body was heating up and my chest feels tight. I don't understand my own emotions.
Why did I feel like crying?
For what did I cry for??
Perplexing shit. I feel like smashing something.

I gave my best to everyone around me but nobody gave their best to me.
How come nobody can assure me like how I assure them. I find loyalty but not trust.
Maybe I am just afraid that nobody cares about me. So I act like a dog, trying to make everyone happy by wagging my tail.

But in the end, everyone I care about cares for someone else.

Hectic week

2009-12-07T19:42:00.003+08:00

Oh man, last 2weeks was so hectic.
My whole mind was only focused on JLPT4 and because of that, I forgot lots of other things. My sister took a whole week off from work so that she too can focus on her JLPT1. It's great having my sister at home the whole time! But we ended up being distracted by tv shows together..which led to us sleeping late into the night. Lack of sleep destroys me, I should REALLY sleep early.

30Nov - Monday
Went for economics lecture and studied for JLPT. Forgot to wish xueli happy birthday!

1Dec - Tuesday
Intended to take the shutter bus with jingpei in the morning but I was too tired. So I slept in for a few hours and took the train instead.
Went for accounting lecture. Forgot about Kwan's birthday until zhiyi asked me about it. I didn't even realise it was already December. Came straight home and studied for JLPT4.
Didn't attend training.

2Dec - Wednesday
Went for banking lecture and studied for JLPT4.

3Dec - Thursday
Woke up damm late (2pm) and quickly practiced playing violin. Went for violin lesson and got my left arm really tired. Learned 2 songs! I have this strange habit of using my middle finger to press the D note on the Astring. I realised that my middle finger is very flexible ahha! Ate at Clementi with my parents and came straight home to study for JLPT4.

4Dec - Friday
Went for maths lecture and studied for JLPT4.

5Dec - Saturday
The stress kicks in for both me and my sister. Slept at 11pm and woke up at 6am. Studied for about 2 hours and went back to sleep. Continued my studies in the afternoon all till the night. Slept at 3am. :(

6Dec - Sunday
JLPT4 exam! Location : SMU School of Economics. My exam started at 10am and I was posted to Seminar room 2-7. Gosh, I freaked out during the first paper. Just can't seem to read the sentences and there are 2 nine year olds who sat beside me for the exam too. They gave me extra stress. I shall not comment too much about my exam..don't want to think too much.
After my exam I waited in the school for my father to fetch me. But since my sister was going to take her test in the afternoon at SMU school of business, my dad asked me to walk over and wait there.
In the end, I lost my way and arrived at the national library. Tried to find Murakami's books but there were NONE at all. Borrowed one dilbert comic book, went out of the library and watched some 3v3 basketball matches. While waiting, my mind was spinning with many weird topics and ideas. One main thought occurred while watching the players- practice and you will get better. No matter what you are doing, practice and you will be better.

Fell asleep in the car and reached home at about 4pm.
Used the Internet for a while and met up with tseyun, xueli and huiling. Walked around white sands in search for huiting's present. In the end, we went to tmall and bought this SK angel pendant for her. Father drove us to Aloha Changi chalet M and we stayed there till 10 plus. Enjoyed myself a lot, a great stress reliever from that morning's paper.

7 Dec - Monday
ARGH. I am so freaking tired. I just want to focus on my studies and violin right now. I hope my table tennis team mates will forgive my lack of will to train.

Restless days

2009-11-21T03:17:00.006+08:00

Just had a sudden urge to blog.
Look! It's 3AM plus in the morning and I am still awake.

Still waiting for my workaholic sister to come home, I wonder why she is still coming home so late nowadays when her department has already shifted to India.
I wonder WHY I am waiting for her, guess I am just giving myself a reason not to sleep.

Using my brother's laptop now. He is behind me dead asleep. I hate it when he just goes to sleep and conveniently left his laptop on. How can one be SO tired as to not off the computer??? I have to come over to his room and off it for him. This is sooo irritating.
He has a even more irritating trait. He can sleep with his toothbrush in his FREAKING MOUTH, with TOOTHPASTE. Amazing huh.
Once that happened and my father was shocked cause he thought my brother was foaming.
Oh, my brother is suddenly tossing around and uttering weird noises. Guess he sensed someone badmouthing him.
The subconscious mind is indeed powerful.

Violin is hard. I still have a hard time holding the bow and clenching the violin with my chin. Maybe my mother is right, I have no musical talent at all. :(
Omg, I just realised that the bone on my left chin hurts when pressed. Ouch!!
I try very hard to absorb whatever I can every lesson so that I can impart the knowledge to my more musically talented sister. I hope to make full use of the $550 paid.

I still want to learn piano and guitar. Drums are interesting too, but I think it will take me a long long long time to actually be at ease with those instruments. I want the feeling to come naturally and not memorised.

Thinking about naturally, my JLPT4 exam is coming soon. First Sunday of December, 6 dec 09.
I have been avoiding it for months, and now there is less then a month for me to study. I really hope I don't fail cause level 4 is really not that hard. Next year, I will be continuing my studies with Ikoma. Should I take full time or part time? Actually I have time to go full time, cause my lessons usually ends at 11.30am. But I think it would be pretty hard to balance my school work..with me now not even managing 35 study hours a week. I have been slacking real hard this week. I just feel SO lethargic.
This is so frustrating!!!! ARGHG!! I need to WAKE UP seriously.

I need to spend 11 hours of study for both sat and sun. This is so impossible. SHIT.
And just thinking about banking makes me depressed. I am so lagging behind. There are so many things to memorise and everything just seem so dead to me. It sort of makes me regret taking banking and finance. The economic world is so dead. There is not a spark of life in it, everything is just made up, the layers of management will kill me. I rather study history and I rather do GP essays. I feel like teaching GP...HAHA. Ok, no joke. I love GP!! And I strongly believe if someone like me can score for GP, then anyone else can too. It is just a matter of flow and structure. RJC model essays are crap, cause they are too good. They are so good they make you depressed, which is no good and thus they are crap.
OMG it's 4am!!

Where is my sister???!!!
Just checked my phone.
Sister: "I tink v sleep. Haha. I tryin to clear breaks."
Gosh. Clearing breaks in the middle of the night. WORKAHOLIC!!
V....U are the one that needs sleep!

Btw, I didn't get to see the Leonid meteor shower. I went to the Pasir ris beach at 3am with my sister and dad. My dad was the unwilling party, he said it was unsafe and accompanied us. My reliable brother was supposed to come with us but he slept like a pig.
I got sucked big time by mosquitoes and we went home after an hour of walking around. Wanted to stay till 5am but I think my father needed his sleep.
Heard from my friends the next day that the sighting was most frequent at about 4am plus and felt so cheated. Nvm, I will get to see it next year. Since the meteor showers comes yearly.

Sooo sleepy. Night.
Alarm clock at TEN in the morning. I better wake up on time.

Songs

2009-11-18T17:07:00.003+08:00

Traveling without music is a torture.
Especially taking 154 from my school all the way to Eunos.
I miss my music! :(
I think I shall go get another MP3 end of this month from the IT fair.

Actually, I don't like IT fairs cause it is VERY crowded. And you know how tall I am right, or rather how short I am..so it's damm irritating when other people keep elbowing your face/chest.

My HP is crazy too, always low in battery.
Oh man, I just received a message. Notification that our school is facing SP, NYP and NUS in next Jan's table tennis competition. I can't decide if I want to join the team or not.
Table tennis to me is like a complicated relationship. I love table tennis, cause it was the only thing people recognized me for and the only thing that I was actually good in. But after being traumatized by that match last year, I am unable to believe in myself again. I don't ever want to have that feeling again, its like your body is not yours and every action I execute is totally wrong. My arms are in an awkward position and I felt so frustrated at myself. I was actually trembling with fear every second and this never happened before.
Oh the other hand, I miss being on court..all the excitement, fear and the victory.....

TPJC really wrecked my life. Once again, I shall say it. I HATE TPJC'S SPORTS CULTURE.
I don't actually hate that school, it just happened to be the place where all my bad memories and experiences gather. I can't seem to smile when I see that school.

I have been playing table tennis since I was in P2..a long enough relationship. I think it's time for me to let it go. Make a clean cut once and for all.

It kinda hurts, cause I still have my pride as a player.
But it is time to let that pride go.

Finally!

2009-11-11T21:00:00.003+08:00

Yeah finally, 2 weeks without internet is making me primitive.
Not that I mind, but it IS really kinda weird have internet again all of a sudden.

Many things happened during the course of my absence.
Wow, I was just wondering why blog looks different..it was just code error and it just reloaded back to the original screen.

Anyway, I join a club! :)
I have never thought that I would be doing...violin..it just happened.
I hope it goes well..first lesson is tml.
Hope I don't get lost.

Just downloaded the new MSN. Well, it's not exactly new just that it is NEW to me. I always hated the idea of upgrades..for fear of having all my precious contacts disappearing and new applications appearing.

Went NTU to collect my rejected portfolio.
I want to burn it, not that I am so embarrassed of my own artwork..but it just feels like its the only way. Like if I burn it, my life can continue from that full stop.
Met kwan and we ate, she packed and we collected the portfolio. Went simei after that and I saw ALL THE CUTE PUPPIES. I especially adore that toy poodle pup...oh mah!! SOOO freaking CUTE. Every time I return home from sch, I always have the urge to drop at simei just so I can look at the animals. Looking at them always make me happy.. :)
I sooo want to have a dog. A cat will be good too.

I am not going overseas this year! All because my brother finds that THAILAND is boring. ARGH.
But my parents needed their honeymoon too I guess and this will be the first time without parents for me. Kinda weird huh, being already 20 and all...well my mom still thinks I am 12...I think. It will be a new experience, I will so totally love the daily plans of good food and this will be one of the rare times where I get to spend Christmas in Singapore. AND I will finally be able to collect my Christmas drops from neopets and rs.

Strangely, I am not feeling all happy but I am not feeling sad too. I am not feeling happy but I am not sad. Is there even a difference??

Oh man, why am I so hungry now?!

back to normal

2009-10-06T22:00:00.007+08:00

I had a great bday celebration! ahaha
I get to do things which I always wanted to do with my beloved friends.

Anyway, I finally acquired all 9 pieces of lab map which cost me a total of 472k.
Previously, I had a cute blue lupe and it became a purple poogle after I played with a rare toy. I should have taken a picture of my poggle with its very nice clothes I gave him. (sort of developed feeling for it) And I can't believe I only have this half photo of him. :(
Anyway, I went to the lab and gave it a zap . I guess the rays were too strong.
More zaps to come! I wonder how much it can change!

GUITAR GUITAR! I can't stop thinking about that shop and all those guitars!
I would like to play a electric guitar one day.

Yesterday I met with my sis in Bugis and ate at Ebiboshi. I ate mini chicken curry rice while my sis ate some spicy ramen. Oh man, the ramen tasted so GOOD! The best I ate so far. After that we ate desert and our bill came to $30 on the dot.
After that we went arcade, sat directly opposite this guy playing King of Fighters. Watched all the nostalgic characters fighting and Mai looks good with short hair! lol
Watched for about 10mins when I spotted a tap card on the machine. It was right in front of us and we didn't notice it, guess you can't really see black on black. Anyway, there was $3 dollars inside. We took the card and quickly left the crime scene.

Went national library and borrowed SIX books. AHHA 5 were comics- Dilbert and Get Fuzzy.
I love reading.

I should be studying right now. Bye~

plans and friends

2009-09-27T02:14:00.003+08:00

Less than 1 wk.

Chaos. Chaos. Chaos.

I wonder why some people just can't get along with each other.
But alas, it's not my problem. I play my cards well enough to live and that's enough.

Not working very hard nowadays.
Keep having other thoughts, not focused enough. I guess that's cause of the much free time allocated to me.

I feel like trying so many things!! No time to think about little things, I want to open as many boxes as I can in my life. :D Positive thoughts and faith in myself keeps me going at full throttle.

Today, I found a perfect word to describe my friend. It fits totally. This word just suddenly appeared in my head and I was like, hey I am dead on target!

Having a passive aggressive friend is straining, but that is all just spices in life.

I have a bday list :)
1. Guitar
2. Ikimono Gakari album
3. Life size bear
4. Any pingu merchandise
5. DSlite crystal casing
6. DS accessories
7. Any other soft toys

I guess I have to get most of those things myself cause I am surrounded by people who can't say "I love you".

Sometimes I envy my sis's clique. They are very thoughtful and my sis is a very very nice friend. That is why, eveytime my bday is near, I get bored with humanity and a tad lonely at heart.

If life presents you with no presents, then get one yourself.

Sept

2009-09-08T01:34:00.003+08:00

Can't believe that my birthday is coming in less than a month.
Hatachi, hatachi, hatachi.

Btw, updates on my life:
1. Created FB. It took me to long to finally sit down and create. I still prefer friendster days tho.
2. Bought a new calculator today. Recently, I have fetish for calculators. I just have to press the buttons when I see one. It's urging me to press, very strong urges..
3. My cousin's child is sooo cute!!! I am a proud aunt.
4. Sang KTV with OG24 on 2nd September.

That's about it. Nothing much really..
This afternoon I had a really nice dream, it was so nice that I was mildly sad when I woke up. It felt so real and I was like hey we chatted! But alas, it was just a dream.
FB's picture after effect I guess, cause most of the people that appeared in those photos appeared in my dream.

Oh sister is home!! yeah! aha
Opps, I have to faster finish up my POA.
Nights!

Events

2009-08-18T00:13:00.006+08:00

I have a severe headache now due to lack of sleep.
damm.

Quite a few events happened last week.
Friday 14/8/09
Worked in EK. Posted as rink cashier.
I spelled rink as ring just now, man I REALLY am tired.
Slacked in the rink all day. I love spraying the enhancer and spreading it all over the synthetic ice with the mop thingy. So cool, all those who walked pass were looking at me. I felt like a STAR.

After work went home and bathed. Left my house to meet up with OG24 ppl.
Met up with them and ate swensons. Smoked shishar (wonder how I spell that), drank a little beer and went home after that. Reached home at about 2am.

Sat 15/8/09
Jean mok's bday party!
WOW so many ppl. Went with huiling, huiying, tseyun and xueli. Carmen fell sick and wasn't able to come. So many ppl were having bday parties there and for a moment I felt like I was in Diagon Alley. I felt really happy ahhaa, cause there were so many ppl and we were wading through them, just like how Harry was walking down Diagon Alley with Hagrid in year 1. Anyway, it was a fun day for me. I truly enjoyed the Jean's bday party although we didn't do much except eat and talk. Being around my tt mates makes me happy, cause it's like going back to those carefree days in NAS. :D
This was how I felt when I was walking towards Jean's chalet! hahaha what a perfect picture!!

Today, 17/8/09
KTVed with Anna at Kbox.
Man I don't like Kbox. The sound system is not as good as Teo Heng..and I hate the ++++
I love Teo Heng :). I felt so wasted when I was singing in KBOX, just couldn't sing as well. Mike is hard to hold and......well, I just like to sing in Teo Heng.

Why can't I open the POA file. Oh man, and this is a busy busy week for me...
I feel like sleeping right away..should I?
:(

Start of School (SIM)

2009-08-06T01:10:00.005+08:00

School officially started for me.
Aug 3rd

What the hell is wrong with blogger?

I don't ever want to leave or lose this blog. It is the only place where I can assume and reassure myself. Although I am not being perfectly truthful about who I really am in a way, there is no false statements written here. Everything written here is pure fact, the facts of my life. I created this blog so that one day, in the event that I am not able to remember much about my life, I can still hold on to these little entries of truth. Records that I am actually alive and the happenings occurred.

I love writing but not on a paper.
I love the typing sensation. I love the perfect prints, the prefect layouts.

When I was young, I always asked my sis to help write my name on the workbooks and textbooks. Why? Cause I will be affected by my own imperfect writings. If it was written by another person, I won't be that affected. I am still affected by my own handwriting now although I try very hard not to care.

My sis always kept a diary. A real diary, penned with ink. I wondered why I did not write one myself. I would have loved to read my own story now cause I can't remember much of what happened in primary school. Writing a dairy is great in a way as you get to see your own handwriting transformation. Oh, I guess I didn't write a dairy because I will get affected by my imperfect handwriting.

Recently, my emotions are stabilizing. I don't get emotional that often and I take things in stride. However, I don't feel elated. It's like I have reached equilibrium. I kept myself busy with priorities and plans, to envision a pretty afterworld.
But all in all, I am like a hamster running the wheel. *squeak squeak*

I wonder why I am writing all these, there is no particular construction like a chain of events. Words and ideas are just popping into my head and I start to form sentences.

Anyway, friends made it easier for me. I actually felt connected and contented at some point in time and that I actually said to myself, "Hey! It's not that bad after all!"
But still, DAMM.

Btw, I am reading Anne Frank's diary. Makes me think alot, just like how I always felt when reading a Murakami book. Sometimes, history amazes me. I am so curious to go back in time, to witness for myself the things that actually happened. It's like, does Leonardo Da Vinci know that his paintings are still alive and will be ever after? How does it feel to leave a legacy?? I want to go back in time and tell Anne Frank that her diary will be read by millions. I wonder how she will feel.
But however high you climb, everyone overtakes you after you die.
There is no purpose after death.

I wonder why people are not afraid of death. To me, it's like a time bomb, like a incurable disease. Why don't people fear death? I for one, am so damm afraid of it. Sometimes, if I think too much, the fear eats me up and I have to really force myself to stop thinking. When I look at my parents, I can see how time corrodes a person and I feel really sad thinking that they are going to leave me one day.

On a sidenote, I am envious of vampires. I watched Twilight with my sister a mth ago on DVD. If you can choose to become a vampire would you? My sis pondered about my qn but for me, I have already decided long ago that if I can be one, I will definately become one. I will have so much time and so many chances.

Man, time passes really fast and I didn't realize my post was already this long. I guess it's time to sleep.