I have finished BL2 normal playthrough. OMG it was so fun. I really enjoyed the game. I can't wait to play the game with my sister and brother one day.

Finally I managed to find a new job and will be starting from 5th Jan 2026. It is a conflicting feeling where I feel at ease that I have finally secured a job, but at the same time, I feel unhappy that I have to go to office and become a corporate slave again. In any case, I am still really glad that I have "gotten on the train" as I have been walking for way too long already. I can now plan concretely for the year ahead. 

Based on Feng Shui and zodiac fortune readings, it seems to be a tough year ahead for me...and at least for the next 2 years. I don't want to feel dejected about this, since I know that it will be a tough year ahead, I can make my necessary preparations to move ahead. Rest up well and get into a crazy good routine. Manifesting wealth and health in full mode - 2026 and 2027.

Time for battle!

Welcome beautiful December. Everywhere is cold and beautiful. I am feeling a weird surge of energy like I've been drinking energy drinks. 

In terms of work wise, everything is still the same. Still funemployed and lazing around the house the whole day. In terms of sports, I suddenly feel that I am starting to be better in badminton. It is a strangely nice feeling. There is a competition incoming end of the year so I will make the most of this month to train hard.

There is a weird sense of positivity in me. Maybe because the year is ending and that I have hopes for a better next year. This year has been sucky so next year will be good, you know that kind of feeling. It is good that I have not yet lost the hope.

Or maybe was it that I "died" and was reborn. Not sure, but I do like this positivity in me so I hope this feeling continues. 

Yesterday I had a revelation, I figured out a reason why I was brought to Fukuoka. I was meant to die here. Not death in itself, but death of my old self. The self that I was so comfortable with, the self that I took years to mold. The old self that I keep going back again and again out of habit. 

It is hard to kill yourself. I feel pain all over. Slowly tearing away the old deep seated roots and bleeding all over. Bleeding over and over again until the last root is extracted.

I am not sure how far or how many more roots I need to pluck. It is so easy to fall back into the continuous habit. 

I need to die, fast.

I can't sleep again. I think I am getting anxiety again. I feel it is getting very hard to trust others and that being kind is just stabbing yourself. Of course I think that feeling this way is wrong, because there are so many other things that are good. And there were so many people that showed much kindness to me. It is just getting harder and harder. I try to stay positive but there are days where it gets me. It hits hard when I become weak and I am becoming weaker and weaker as the days goes by. And it is not a situation where I can get help because it is down only to my own thoughts and feelings. How I decide to process them. At the end of the day, if I do not understand my own feelings, everything else will just be empty. No matter how many friends you have, how many people you talked to, it will all be the same if I don't get it.

Like a stuck pipe. Just clogging up all the dirt and mess. All the tangled hair. All the dirt.

Omg look at the time again. Why am I always like this. I survived on 2-3 hours of sleep yesterday (technically today). Went for my competition with energy supplemented by coffee and energy drinks. Came home at 5pm, did laundry, bathed and ate. Tried my best to not sleep but my brain shuts down at 630pm and I woke again at 930pm. So it is another 3 hours of sleep and now it is 430am and I am still very much awake. I thought my bad sleeping habits couldn't get worse.

What is becoming of me?

It is 430am now and I am not going to sleep. I have competition early tomorrow and I am so afraid that I won't wake up in time.

It is funny how when you have all the time in the world but yet you don't focus on doing the things that you should be doing. Like for me when it is late at night, I will be like ah ok, let me just watch some shows or play games instead of studying or clearing chores.

So anyway this is what I am trying to force on myself right now. Try to do those chores that does not require much brain cells and just needed me to focus some time on it. 

But there are some chores that cannot be done in the night, like laundry, going to the post office or vacuum the house. Anyway I am just here to pass some time and make sure that I stay awake enough to function.

All the best to me surviving the day tomorrow.