My father does not understand me. 
My mother doesn't really care either.
 I was never part of it am I? 

All I ever wanted was to create happy memories of us all living together. 
But all these times they only have eyes for my brother and sister.
I was never there, I was never in their sight. 

 All I was is nothing and all they need is for me to pave a way for their benefit. 
 If I was ever to join in their business, will I ever get out of it? 
Why are they clouding my vision and making the world my enemy? 

It makes me seem like I'm whining, but I'm not. 
The older I grow the more I see. 
Why have I come to disrespect my respected parents? 

That is why I need to leave soon, and I need to have the capacity to do that. But I don't. 
I cower in fear and uselessness. 
Really, why do adults not grow when they are already grown? 
Why do they talk like they never grew and if I go against them I become the fault, the guilt. 

 I've been letting go and live easy, but it's getting harder. Now I'm considering if I should even try. 
Should I even try being their pawn. 
And all I'm ever doing is just wanting to make them proud, make them proud of who I am. 

Because I snitched? Because I'm big headed? 
Or because I was never intended to be born? 

I need to reshuffle my thought. I need to have more composure. 
I need to care less. Really, the world hurts more if you care more. 
Just suck it in and listen. Try not to talk so much. 
Let those idiots do their own things and perish in their own sight.

I don't know what is wrong with blogger but I can't type as I like. Today was a tiring day, my head is throbbing with pain and I don't know why. My mom went China for holiday and I lost 1kg, now I know where my fats come from. Will i be able to lose another 4kg before I reach Japan? Bought quite a few things online recently. Zoom H1 + Accessories at $90 and Novita humidifier at $25. I love buying 2nd hand items. So thrilling when barganing via SMS. Hope I get to sell off some things too, need to clear space from my tiny balcony. Work has been alright, it made me realise that I do like to learn new things. Because the more I learn, the faster I'm going home...heh.