I don't want to work but work is always finding me. WHY?!? :(
Going to be spending my precious time doing linesman job today and tomorrow...Sunday even...WHY? Being a linesman is an easy job, but I rather slack at home! June is nearly over and for July, I will be crammed with umpire jobs. Will my precious July be gone too??? Omg, I feel so sick. I need more time!
And yesterday, I was the only violin student. Tsk!
Oh no, I really dread going anywhere now. :( WC has drained all the life away from me.
Friday, June 11, 2010
Did blogger change layout? This is a little hard to get use to...but whatever.
Staying at home with no particular work needed to be accomplished brings my brain to a buzz from over thinking. There are so many thoughts in my brain that sometimes, I feel like they are bursting out and headaches will occur. I find it really hard to explain to people about it, but if you are one that watched and get the gist of Genius Party - Limit Cycle, it sort of feels like that - just an endless muttering of debatable words.
Last month, I received the organ donation letter that everyone will eventually receive when they are nearly 21 years of age. There was no hesitation in donating, I don't mind one bit. But as I was reading through the whole package, there was a sudden fear. To me, I feel that there IS an afterlife. Not a really fanciful thought, but just that I feel that everyone has a place after we die because we each have a different spirit residing within us that makes us different from one another. Think about it, we all have the same heart, same brain etc...but we are all so different in our thoughts. Based on that alone, I choose to believe in the afterlife/ghosts/gods. There must be somewhere for our spirits to go after we die. In any case, what I feared was this: that I will lose my sight in my afterlife due to the donation of my cornea. It's like, what if...just what if...those people that have donated their organs and died was actually suffering in their afterlife? Ok, I know this sounds really dumb but since nobody can prove anything about the afterlife, anything is kinda possible. I talked to my mom about it and surprisingly, she led me to my answer. Me: "Mom, will I lose my sight and be a blind ghost?" Mom: "Hah, who knows." Me: "Then should I opt out from the program?" Mom: "Hrum..." Me:"Oh no, what should I do?" Mom: "When we die, only our spirits are left." BINGO Yes, since only our spirits are left, then it makes sense that I won't lose my sight because my spirit have eyessss. :) Case Closed.
Recently I watched some videos of the Microsoft Courier. It's totally amazing, but scary at the same time. I wonder why people embrace technology. Technology speeds up the society and thus our overall evolution. That Courier thingy could be the possible norm in the future. It was less than a decade ago that I was using a black and white beep beep text phone. Now, everyone is using the Iphone, smart phones...and they don't feel a thing. It's scary to me, the direction we are heading, all the overwhelming technology that we don't actually need and people are embracing them with open arms. Evolution is good but unnecessary evolution is pointless! I see pointless things everyday!! ARGHH! Technology is making me sad, it is making me feel feel "old". I wonder what IS the future, which technology will actually last and become the everyday life? Definitely not 3D television in my opinion. Case Unclosed.
For the past 6 days I was down with many different sickness. I am still feeling rather weak now with a very small appetite and a very weak stomach. I was down with fever for 2 days, highest temperature being 38.9 (not exactly very high) and my whole body felt like it was peeling...it became very sensitive to touch and lying on bed feels like I was lying on needles instead. A terrifying feeling. Next, there seem to be some bacteria attacking my stomach and I had toilet meetings every 30 mins. The toilet became my home and I re-read the NTU times for godknowshowmanytimes. I was shitting out shit WATER but there was no stomach ache at all, so I just took my time shitting...and I was still shitting after 3 days. I became a little concerned and told my family about it: Me: "Mom, I have been shitting for 3 days straight" Mom:"I knew it, you have gastric! I told you before blah...bla" Me: "No, it's not! I have been shitting water!And what gastric? I always eat! Goodness!" Sister:"What happened? Aiyo, you could die shitting you know" Me:"HAHA!" Sister: "You could die from dehydration" Me:*freaks out* And so I took medication and I am now feeling better, although the whole body is still weak form over-shitting. There is still sudden bouts of acute stomach ache but I am visiting the toilet less frequently. Case Closed...hopefully.
Violin lesson today!! After 2 months of no lesson! And I am urging myself to get a guitar soon, no more stalling! I NEED TO GET IT. And I think I have really lost weight because of all the shitting and a great loss of appetite. Just weighed myself, I lost 1 kg? Oh wait and I forgot to mention that I have armpit RASH. I have no idea why those rashes chose my left armpit out of all places. It's so itchy...itchyyyy and no medication seem to work and it spreadssss when you scratch it. My sis was saying it may be the crawling rash, CAN'T BE. My mom says white vinegar can kill bacteria and I think it did! I applied it and it's rather effective. But it gets even itchier when you apply it...so itchy...sooo itchyyy...ITCHYY!
Life is rather monotonous right now but I have not stop thinking about it once. I am still keeping my dream alive, hoping that all the things I am doing will bring me to a happier place. I will not stop believing or trying even if there seem to be nothing for me down the road. Sleep time and I want to wake up early tml. I must also remember to eat my gigantic calcium pills before meal...those freaking manufacturers, they think that everyone have such huge throats.
