Why must it happen to me? I knew all along that my grandma was getting weaker..but to happen all of a sudden? I cannot take it.

Its only mere weeks ago that my friend died..and now I may have to go through this again.
During my frd's wake, I was actually pondering about whether I can take it if the person lying there is my kin. I was thinking about my grandma, cause she is the most likely person to be there...I know she is old and stuff, but why must it be now? When its only a week till CNY?

I am not very close to my grandma, cause she speaks dialect..so whenever she calls my house I will feel guilty afterwards...cause I dono how to communicate with her. I feel really bad...I don't even try communicating with her. I always avoided her in a way..and now, I really hope she can stay on.

I don't want to attend another wake again. Let only one misfortune happen this year. I don't want to see the coffin and stuff again.. now I really fear death.
I fear it like never before...I lived for 18 years already..soon more people will leave me behind and then one day I will leave them. There is an emptiness within me now..I really feel very weird, like there is no genuine laughter anymore. I feel tired most of the time and become weak mentally. Physically, I feel sick. Like my body is failing me...maybe its because I have not been exercising..I don't have the mood.

There is really a part of me that went missing, I feel strangely incomplete.
I really want it back but I don't know what it is and I don't know know.

Life is so fragile.

I feel weird, like theres no energy within me. Work was ok..but when I make mistakes, I feel dumb and worthless.

Anyway, I won $30 from toto cause I matched 4 numbers. 2 more mumbers and I can actually get $1.5mil. :(

Oh and I also won 12k plus neopoints from neopet lottery.

And some scammer emailed me saying that I won £2,481,932 from UK lottery.

I guess I am gonna be rich soon.

Please wake up.
Please wake up for us, for all the ppl who loves you.
I don't want to see you leave this world. Its hard but please fight...fight for all of us and most importantly yourself.
We will be there for you, call out to us.
We will give you strength, the strength to pull through this ordeal.
So please wake up my friend.
We want to see your smile again

Chalet with class yesterday. It was so tiring. Yes, Kwan is the bishi bashi KING.. SO?
Didn't get enough sleep. Slept till 2 today. Coffee princ-ed one episode just now. I think its the best korean drama out of all stupid ones I watched. Hey, I think I never really watched Korean dramas b4...KSS I watched halfway..then there was this Autumn show with hot won bin and a stupid plot :)

Shows are getting more and more boring.

I love you, I love you not. Conflicts in my heart. I feel like some show's cast. Who can I talk to? No one. Should I approach? Should I just forget? I feel lonely.

Alevels is coming. I really hate this. I really hate this.
Death is not confined to the physical body.
I am already dead.

Does anyone knows how much it pains me? I really don't like this at all. I am not joking. I am really turning into some psycho kid. Everyone will leave me alone and I cant blame them cause its my own inability to begin with. Everyone leaves me behind..everyone leaves me in the end. Looking forward only makes me sad.

My only true dream in life officially ended at 18. I am too old to compete with the young talents. I have no more opportunities, no more possibilities, no more motivation. I did tried something. But it didn't work. I am just wandering about..no aim no nothing. I really see nothing in my future..

I tell myself many times that its just some paper cert. Just a test, you can try again. It doesn't work now. I didn't realise I wanted to proceed so much...much more then anything in life now. I tell myself I can retake, try again. Its no use anymore.

1 more time and I will snap. I won't die, but my body will deteriorate. I will be nothing but an empty shell.

:)

I love my work. The environment and the ppl there are very nice.
Haik, but I feel that my presence is making them uneasy..
NO!! But somehow, I don't talk that much as I want to in front of strangers. :(
I am a boring person.

I want to make frds.
But I don't dare to initiate.
When they initiate,
I become dead..dead like a stupid wooden log that either says yes or no.
Dammit

Must sleep early.
Coffee prince rocks! So nice to watch. Hana Kimi...boring my ass off. Sorry folks, I don't only look at handsome peeps...

Oh, there is another girl from tpjc working in the same company as me. Jingshu?(hope the spelling is correct) from s28.

Must finish my bk.

While on the phone, I had a glimpse of my past. Or was it previously a premonition to begin with? It felt really weird...and close.

I wish ANG JING PEI all the best for her phy tml. With my formulas, she will pass with flying colours cause I am a GENIUS.

LALALALALA night.

B4 I transfer my sim card, I need to transfer my 17th birthday wishes from frds onto this blog..just in case. Yes, I am a stupid girl that saves bday msgs from ppl.

~2006 bday wishes!~

Guohao
Happy birthday! Wish u have a successful promos and better luck in whatever u wanna acheive! And hopefully share some of ur luck with me haha

Michelle Seow
happy bdae. haha. hmm. gt anybody celebrating ur bdae with u? haha.

huijun
Happy 17th birthday! may u b happy n pretty!

Shafinah
Happy 17th Birthday Sze Ling! Heh..Here's wishin u all e best in ur future endeavours & may u hev a blessed yr ahead! Enjoy dis special day of urs & hev fun celebratin it wif ur family & frenz k..!
Take care..<",>

tseyun
Hey sze ling... Happy birthday!!! U 17 liao and i haven even 16.. Lol..So pathetic.. Let's go back for tt after our exams k? :D all the best in your exams!

pearlin
oi happy bdae!!. Haha..though it's not early in the morning msg u but it's the thoughts that count rite..Haha..wishing u all the best on your special day!

lisa
Hey cousin happy birthday! have a fantastic day ahead :)

chinyee
Hapi bdae!Earlier frgta wish u..Haha

huiling
Happy birthdae... Wo zui ai de sze sze... Muack

sister
qin ai de mei mei, wo zhu ni shen ri kuai le! :D

christine
Yoz.. Happy 17th birthday :) hope u got lotsa nice presents n enjoy ur sweet 17 year! Study hard n all e best - Charmed

~08/07 Happy new yr & christmas msgs~

jean mok
Helloo my friends, merry xmas & a happy new year to you! :):) hope u'll enjoy this day of yours and may all your wishes come true! Take care ^^

Miss tiong
Here's wishing u a merry xmas and a happy 2008 ahead. .
From miss tiong. . :)

guohao
Merry christmas.. ! Haha may u be more loved! Haha hope you enjoy your last christmas msg! Haha happy boxing day in advance!

hanisah
Hi! Happy New Year!! =D
Wishing you all the best in everything that you do N stay happy always! ^.^
~Yay~ >.<

swan chiu
Happy new year lil miss tiny! Ugh! May u be bigger go uni:)So escape decide alr? We're your friends. Be nice to us. Haha. 6 ok? I'm glad i had u guys in 2007 :)

lalala. ok I can safely change into my new phone now. I rented coffee prince...haha! I think the show not bad...but drama always gets boring. Movies are better. I will miss my phone. BYE

Went back tpj today to help my poor juniors recruit more table tennis members.
Girls just don't seem interested in table tennis. Haik, cannot blame them...tpj's table tennis so...unlively.
Wang Lee Hom's songs are nice. :)

Going back to sch tml to study. HAHAH! No la, its either table tennis or using jp's laptop.

OHHH btw! I singed my 3mth contract today! Gosh so scary. I am starting work in Ceva Freight Singapore Pte Ltd on monday...in their financial dept. HAHA sounds so pro, but I bet its just some paperwork thingy. I hope everything goes well.

Playing in Escape tml! :)

---I wanted to post my HK experience..but its troublesome. next time? ahhaha thats what i said after travelling to shanghai n taiwan..n up till now, I haven even mentioned anything about the trip. But this time I will blog..MUST!Just not now..heh------

Anyway, I watched the Rainie tattoo lesbian show on youtube yesterday..the spider something de. Hrum...it stirred something in me. HAHA...after watching the show, I felt weird. Hurm...???