Monday, December 31, 2012
One more hour to the new year.
I'm fairly excited about it!
Looking back at the year, I would say it has been great. Almost all of my aims has been on target. Day after day I reminded myself not to waste even one minute. There were ups and downs, bouts of euphoria and bouts of tribulation. So much so was my emotions affected that I was beginning to think that I'm bipolic.
It was a heavy year which bought many things to an end. But the endings brought new beginnings which kept my heart fluttering. It has been a long long year, and very well spent too I would say.
I started the year preparing for my final exams which were held in April-May. It was a tough academic year as I had to retake my Macroeconomic. But because of that, I had the chance to enter the realm of the psychic world. I still wonder what was that all about...just a coincidence? I highly doubt so and I guess it will forever be a mystery.
Anyway the exams ended fairly well, walked out of the halls feeling free. I told myself that even if I did flunk, I would not want a retake and will just go ahead and graduate. All I wanted is to get my life started.
I wanted a graduation trip so I signed myself up for the Summer Exchange Program. Spent a superb July in Korea doing UN and Korean Wave at Kyung Hee University. Met great friends and did a thorough self discovery. It was the first time I was away from family for so long. I felt both freedom and independence flowing through me for the first time. It was fun living alone (as my roomie only stayed with me for the first 2 weeks before she left for Taiwan). So I had the whole room to myself for the rest of the month, which was really awesome.
Came back from Korea with a refreshed mind and soul. Spent carefree days awaiting for my results to be released. There was only one thing on my mind, NOT TO FAIL ANYTHING. And yes, I did pass everything. Was a little pissed at my score but I was too energised to feel otherwise. I was just so glad I graduated. I engraved that exuberance into memory, just thinking about it felt good. It felt like all the chains binding me fell off and my emotions were light and merry. What a weird bubbly feeling!
With the new strength, I started looking for a job. Went to an interview with M.Bank and it was deeply draining. All the lies that I had to give...I can't tell a direct lie, so I had to twist and turn my words. It was such a mental draught that I fell straight asleep when I came home from the interview. Days passed and there were no news anywhere. Spent most of my days mass sending my resumes. Was feeling dejected when I received a call from agency for an interview. Initially I wanted to reject the offer but I accepted once I heard CHANGI BUSINESS PARK. In the end I got the job! I think I was really lucky to get a job in such a short time. Just 2 weeks after Korea and I landed myself a job. It was such a great timing and such a great working location too. Need to thank my lucky stars and the people who made it all happen. :)
Now I'm already four months into my job. So far so good. Job is prefect but my personal life is not. Something happened to me which created much despair. It was so tough that I wanted to die but I didn't because I'm scared and also because I still have hope. I try not to think so much about it now, but it still creeps in. It's so hard to fight it off...and I can only hope. Just hope and pray. It's so depressing.
To keep myself happy I finally went ahead and bought my telecaster. I should put all my soul into it so that I can stop my mind from going off track. I want to pour all my depression, fears and abhorrence into it and create something beautiful.
It's nearly the new year, 10 more minutes left....
To the new year...to the new hopes...to the old dreams.
I will continue walking this path as long as I'm still living.
Cheers to 2013!!
Sunday, December 16, 2012
When something is taken away, something new will be given.
That is what I believe and that is what is keeping me going.
My only wish now is for it to heal.
I wonder how many birthdays I've wished for it to be gone.
5 year of pain has changed me, chipped off my confidence, stripped me apart.
There are times where I just felt like dying, but I can't just die like that.
Because if I just passed, I'll die being a nobody.
I don't want to be a nobody.
So no matter how painful it is, I will endure it.
I await for the day where I can face the sun's rays, breath unhindered air and feel proud of being who I am.
Tuesday, December 11, 2012
私は最近、奇妙なことを考える。
私の心臓は奇妙な方法でどきどきしていた。
このニュースは初耳です。
その知らせに驚いた。
心臓に悪いな...
大丈夫この道でいいですから。
なぜ私がこの道を見せた？理由がなければならないと思います。
自分を信じます。
賭けてもいいよ, 私は決して失望しない。
人生の幸福と成功は我々の環境いかんによるのではなくて、我々の努力いかんによるのである!
Hello and goodbye~
