Been sleeping late again, there are times where I just feel like I don't want to sleep.

Like now.

I was on the bed but just couldn't get to sleep. I know that if I focus on sleeping, I would be able to go into sleep mode but I just didn't want to.

It is so hard to sleep early and wake early.

Maybe I should just embrace this owl nature of mine.

Is there a reason for me to resist this?

What if....all my issues in life...was caused by not drinking enough water?

I was checking on how to remove dark eye circles and suggestion was to be more hydrated. 

I was checking how to improve skin texture, it was suggest to be more hydrated.

How to lose weight, more hydrated.

Etc, etc, etc...

Solution = Hydration

I was just missing water.

The solution has always been so simple.

It is the first day of July! I am excited to kick start my transformation journey. Basically I just need to faster lose weight so that I can squeeze in the calories for my numerous overseas trips in August.

I also need to be more focused as this is practically like the 3rd month that I am not working...can't believe time passes so fast. So since it is a happy free time for me, I should make the full use of it.

Because of a lack of routine hours confining me, I have been sleeping really really late. I want to change this bad habit of mine but I just couldn't get to sleep. If I tried, I would have slept, but something just keeps me up from trying to go to sleep.

A bad habit that I must kick.

So many goals in July. I need to buck up! :)

 Been living an unemployed life since May. It has been rather fulfilling to be honest. These days I am doing nothing but the things that I like. Been going to lots of Table Tennis and Badminton practices, to the point that I am feeling my body crashing out. I am pushing myself hard is because this is a very precious period of free time for me. I would not have this chance if I was working. So this is indeed a very good feeling.

I think it would be hard for me to get back to work after this relaxing time. It is hard to do fixed hours in an office, enforcing the hours on me. Once you taste freedom, it is hard to go back to being chained.

I really wonder what where will I be heading in the future. I have planned nothing but trips after trips. I should be really focusing on finding a job but I am just so much more inclined to enjoy myself.

Oh when will I be able to be my own boss, and get to do what I like plus enjoy the freedom of time. Freedom of time does not mean that I am not working, I just want to be able to decide on what to do with the hours I have. It is sick for me to head to work doing something I have no feelings for, just to make ends meet.

To happy times ahead! :)

Oh, on a separate topic, I do think that my table tennis and badminton skills are mediocre now. I aim to get so much more stronger. NEED TO BE THE VERY BEST!

I wonder how I should feel. 

I just feel emotionally weak at the moment so I wanted to blog.

And yet again I am sleeping late. 

I wonder why I just can't keep a good habit.

What should I do with myself.

Weird weird weird.

Unstable heart and mind.

I need Shisa power!

I feel pathetic but also confident, sad but also happy, tired but also awake, lazy but motivated.

What is becoming of me?

My sister say that I am reaching equilibrium.

What does that mean?

Inner demons are escaping. 

Am I to embrace it or continue to shut them out.

It should lead me to a happier life, if I should unleash them out.

The hold on them is weaker when I get older.

Last year I really pushed myself. I was trying to be a better version of myself. There was hardly any spare time for myself, it was just lessons after lessons. Training after trainings.

And I was NOT happy at all. It was not satisfying and it was not like, oh all the hard work was worth it. It's not. There was no feeling of victory, it just was disappointment after disappointment. And I was starting to feel like I was not myself anymore. It was just depressing.

BUT this year, it will be different. 

I gave myself no goals to chase this year. There is no need to be a better version of myself. To think that I wanted to be the best version, it just means that I think that there was something unsatisfactory in the current self. There is nothing wrong with me being who I am now so there is no reason to become a "better" version. There is and will never be a better version. I am who I am, now.

Well, that is not to say that I just don't care about anything and let myself go. Obviously not. It just means that I prioritize myself on being happy instead of forcing myself to do things that I never had any interest nor enjoy. This year will be a year of following my heart. If I don't feel like going or doing something - I will not.

Yes and this is evidently working. Because ever since the new year hits, I have been feeling nothing but happiness. I have so much free time to myself these days just spending on whatever I feel like doing. Been watching a number of dramas and also starting to game. I remember being very excited when I was young when I was playing games, where did the excitement go to? I want to find the lost excitement. All the things that I enjoy, I am going to do it. Life it really short. Please enjoy it.

Another thought was in my mind. That intelligence is an illness. We are unhappy because we have become intelligent. So the secret to happiness, is being stupid. Remove your intelligence and you will become happy. When you are intelligent, you naturally have a higher pride. And with a higher pride, the rest of the sins follow. Well, pride is the father of all sins.

Remove your intelligence. Happiness will come.