Ok ppl...I am blogging NOW. My sis managed to transfer the internet connection to her laptop cause our precious comp went for intensive care after a severe
flu. I am gonna post all 3 of the entries which I wrote earlier here...
Anyway, I took a typing test and the retults: 53 words/min, 20 errors, accuracy 92%, adjusted words/min 12. :)
And for umpiring today... I umpired for the under 11 girls finals and it was darn hilarious. The finals was between Lim Yixuan and Cheryl. HAHA!! ANNA LIM YIXUAN VS SHERYL KWAN??? LOL and I all along thought that the shorter and abit fat de was yixuan while the skinny and tall de was cheryl when it was actually the opposite... so initially there was abit of confusion. I panicked and made a small mistake...I shan't say what. heh
Dec 3rd- PROM!!!!!!I woke up very early to prepare for the most memorable day in my life. I took a bath and packed all my stuff. I need to reach Swan’s house at 2.30pm so that the make-up artist can paint on my face. Nobody wanted to go for the make-up 1st so I volunteered to do so. First or last, it doesn’t matter to me. I am so cool. :)
I packed everything and father drove me to White Sands. I still need one last item, a necklace. Shopped at Aries and found this perfect match for my earring. It has the same flower shaped design. But hell, it was $28.90!!??! Man but there was no time so I had to decide quickly. I asked for help from the shop assistance and she took the necklace out for me. Unfortunately and fortunately, the ‘diamond’ flower was too big and it doesn’t really suit my whole image. So the SA chose another necklace for me and it was a perfect match. It was a lot cheaper too, at $18.90. Yes, I know its still expensive..but I had no other option. I rather spend then regret later.
I hopped onto the train after my purchase and realized that I did not bring my bloody camera! I rushed out of the train and called my father for help. In the end we decided that it was better to just drive me all the way to Kallang.
Reached Kallang and met up with Swan, Kwan and Anna. We walked all the way to Swan’s house and settled down. Slacked for a while and the first make-up artist arrived. She settled down in Swan’s bedroom and she asked me to change into my prom dress. I changed and she started doing my hair. She asked me what style I wanted and I asked for a catalogue. LOL, she said she don’t any such things and suggested some weird style for me. I didn’t know what she was talking about so I just said I wanted to leave my fringe intact and I said she could do anything to the back. So she did. My hair was as hard as a rock and I don’t even know how it looked like. Just when I was about to check on my hair, the second make-up artist arrived and started doing make-up on my face. She asked if I wanted to trim my eyebrows and I asked if it was painful. Of course she said no and then she trimmed. Sat on the chair for quite some time and when it was finally over, I went into the toilet and saw a ghost. Omg, it was seriously freaky. I don’t recognize myself you know? The make-up was so oh-my-god thick. I just stared transfixed on my image and I was paralyzed in the toilet for quite some time. After Kwan finished her make-up, she came into the toilet and joined my zombie club. Both of us complained that the make-up was too thick and we comforted each other…I think the make-up artist heard us and asked what was wrong. I told her I didn’t like the eye shadow around my eyes (mind you, it was silvery and it covered the circumference around my eyes and I looked like a total eyeless freak.) and she removed part of the silvery substance. It looked better after that and I just waited for everyone to finish up. The only ones that didn’t get shocked after looking into the mirror was Swan, Anna and Peisi. Swan even said she looked
gorgeous. HAHAHA! We finished all our make-up and hair styling at about 4.30pm and since we our Maxi cab only arrives at 6.30pm, we had about 2 hours of break. Took lots of pictures and then we finally went downstairs for the big day.
The cab was so huge. Lol, but it was stylish. We asked the uncle to travel slower as we didn’t want to reach there so early. Took some pictures on the cab too and before we knew, we were already in front of Grand Hyatt.
Gosh, how my heart throbbed. We forced each other out of the cab and rushed into the hotel and went straight into the toilet. Had some final look and went out again to face the crowd. Hid in some dark corner and peeped at other ppl. Haha Yes, I was looking for my flower..but nope, I didn’t see. Sat down at some reception area and some Caucasian came and volunteered to help us take a photo. After a while, we got bored and decided to go upstairs. I saw another S26 girl with the same dress as me. Man, was that dress that nice? LOL 3 days b4 prom, I discovered that Weilin was also wearing the same dress as me. We decided to both wear the same since there wasn’t enough time to change into another. I think it turned out alright..not as embarrassing as I thought. So, yeah..we went upstairs. Took our free gift and sat down waiting for the others to come. Soon the area was filled with ppl and we decided to proceed to table 7.
Jinbo managed to make it just in time and we sat in this order -> (anti-clockwise) Jinbo-me-Anna-Swan-Kwan-Bijun-Peisi-Yilin-Tina-empty-Marianne
Then prom started and we waiting hungrily for the food. I was trying to spot my flower but I couldn’t see well in the dark. But nothing escapes my eagle eye. Haha! I found my precious flower dressed in black. Anyway, I think the performances were boring. Maybe it was because we were sitting so far back and the stage was constantly blocked by irritating lightings, pillars and ppl’s heads. We went out for toilet breaks most of the time and took our time taking photos outside. The toilet was superb..shit, we should have taken some photos in the toilet. None of us liked the prom king. There are so many other hot guys out there and they chose all the weird ppl up. At least the prom queen was good. HAHA both the king and queen were from NAS! Anyway, we just feel that there should be a better prom king. Man and my ticket didn’t get me a single prize!!
After everything, we went out and took photos agin. Anna needed to get back home because she still has work the next day. HAHA ANNA YOU REGRETTED RIGHT?? U SHOULD HAVE GONE CLUBING WITH US! Took the $2 bus to the club with everyone except ANNA. Reached there and Peisi+Bijun queued up while we bought the tickets. Jinbo the club-whore wanted to BACK out and leave us, the virgin clubbers ALONE!! I decided to pay for part of his ticket and FORCED him back in. Anyway, I didn’t get him his bday present and so I conveniently substituted it on the spot. I am a clever girl.
Peisi and Swan decided to back out last min due to their own reasons and kwan was also contemplating to back out. I forced her back in and hey it was worth it right huh kwan?? I think she will not forget what happened for the rest of her life.
So I went into the club with Jinbo and Bijun, left kwan outside queuing. Went into the packed club and it was omg shitty. It was so dark and the music was sooo loud. We couldn’t even talk to each other even by shouting. I found a spot to place our bags and asked bijun to look after it. Jinbo left us and went out for his panadol because he had some headache. Went out and found kwan queuing. Took many
important pictures.
Finally, all of us were inside.
Initially, I felt really uncomfortable. I dislike this type of trance dancing. I wanted to just sit down with my drink and watch the clump of zombies dancing. But there wasn’t even any seats left for me…and the club-whore pulled me into the zombie crowd and forced me to dance. I didn’t like it at all initially...it was way boring and I felt that I had wasted my money. But hey, I saw tulip and she WAS actually dancing. It was just so funny to me..I don’t know why but seeing her dance made me feel like dancing. She was like totally enjoying and I realized that I should just enjoy too. Hell, throw away all the shyness and just dance whatever you like...be it foolish or childish...just DANCE. YES! And I did! HAHA!! When I was dancing, I felt like I was someone else. It wasn’t ME that was dancing...then I was thinking if my mum sees me like that...she would probably crank up. Luckily it was dark ahaha but the best thing that night was not because I danced. It was because flower and bee were dancing too. OMG and at certain moments, they were actually dancing very close to me. I felt really blessed. :D
I danced with many other groups of ppl too, but mainly with tulip and her friends. I think they didn’t even take any breaks at all and just danced throughout the night? Gosh… don’t the feel tired?
Drank the orange whatever thingy and it tasted a lot nicer then the coke thing. Alcohol never appealed to me.
Took some breaks in between and some stranger came and asked why I wasn’t dancing. HAHA!! Ok it was shiok. LOL! I just told him I needed a rest and showed him that I was wearing heels. Lalala :P
Club closed at 3am and all of us went out. Stupid jinbo hit my head with kwan’s clutch when collecting back our stuff from the counter. We went out with our belongings and sat at the fountain. None of us, exp jinbo, wanted to go home. In the end we ended up sitting outside this Indian food stall. Ordered food and drinks…and talked. When it was about 5-6am, we left and walked all the way to city hall mrt station. I lost one of my earrings while I was walking. DAMMIT!!!! IT JUST DROPPED!! ARGH!! Maybe I can get another pair from SIX again. My right ear is cursed.
Took the train to Kallang, walked to Swan’s house and sat at the stairs, waited for her to wake up. Everyone was looking at us when we were waiting for the train. We looked soo out of place. When it was about 7am, I called her house and luckily her mom was already awake. We changed out of our dress and looked at all the precious pictures again. Rested for a while b4 leaving for home. Reached home at about 9am+...bathed, ate and slept all the way till 7pm. HAHA!!!
I didn’t take a photo with flower and I don’t want to. Some things are better left unsaid and I don’t need a photo to remember. It was a nice ending and I don’t need a photo to spoil it.
Its the end and happily ever after~ :D
Total Expenditure for prom:-
Dress- $69.90
Heels- $19.90
Contacts- $130
Necklace- $18.90
Make-up- $45
Earrings- $3
Cab- $6.70
Bus ride to club- $2
Club tickets- $23+$10(jinbo)
Nail polish- $1.70
Prom tickets- $81 something
Dec 11-I am afraid. I don’t think I can keep on with this anymore. My hatred. I don’t feel the love anymore. Slowly, things start to get clearer as I grow older. The more I feel and sense, the more heart broken I get. Is there really no love to begin with? All the things I did for them, all my friends and family. I think my depression or my darker inner self is catching up. I can feel gratitude..but I don’t feel the love anymore. I always wondered if all of the smiles and laughter where just a phony act to get me thinking that there is still hope left in humanity. You threw a rag at me, a chair at me, strangled my neck, and scolded me. You said I was psychotic and there was something wrong with me. Yes maybe you really wanted a crazy kid and then you can leave me to the dumps. Leave me at the dumps with all your sense of righteousness. But I am who I am today because of the both of you. YOUR desires, your tradition, your face, your pride. I don’t cry for nothing and every word and action, I remember. No matter how young, I remember. Subconscious acts on behalf of my undeveloped conscious part. I really felt like killing you. If the other phony female didn’t stop me, I wonder what will happen. This world is getting messier. I remained hopeful all these while..but nowadays, I get worked up easily. I don’t have the ability to keep myself in control anymore. Someday, I may just do something bad. I still have the rational to keep myself from committing a crime. Your species don’t have the mind to think emotionally. That will be your set back and I don’t get why I should be interfered with your childish and fucking thinking. I rebutted, I threw the rag back at you. I kept looking at that scissors, picturing myself stabbing you. I get more irrational these days. But I still cried. I cried because what I fear and hope is not true is coming true. So many conversations and you still don’t know my deepest feelings. Does anybody care about me anymore? All you know is how to shout and using brute force. I had enough. I notice my changes and my weird thoughts, how I just get to know what all of you are feeling. Call it six sense or whatever, I just seem to know how everyone is feeling. I notice things that other people don’t notice, I sense more thoughts then others. Maybe I am cranked up, but many a time, my thoughts were correct. I am scared and afraid that I am the freak myself. What if, all these years..everything I sense was wrong?? No, I am always backing up my senses with logic. I keep thinking and analyzing. It’s so painful. Every time you act differently, I know what you are thinking. Every time you speak, I sense. I get tortured because I don’t know which thoughts are correct. I tell myself time and time again that the human relation is strong. But now, everything seems to be falling apart. Blood doesn’t even count. I always hoped that I wasn’t your child; I hope that the report has all along been correct. That my mom is not my mom and the blood indicated is my genuine blood. I have a pleasant family, a nice father and mother with good siblings. I don’t get it. Why I am having these thoughts. Maybe the problem is with me. Maybe I am the problem. No. I WILL be the problem if I keep having these thoughts. I just hope someone can understand me. I just need someone that loves me deep in the heart. Want my company not because I am conveniently there; want me just because of missing me, because I am important. When you told me what happened in the past, how my birth was a sad thing, how disappointed all of your felt. Have you considered how I felt too?? Have you even considered why I cried that much? I just wanted genuine love..and you couldn’t give me. Slapped me when I did nothing wrong, scolded me when I don’t even know how to speak. I am the extra I know and I endured all these things. Now you are still calling me psychotic when what I am is what you made me. You said I was mentally unstable, having such narrow minded thoughts when all I said was what you truly in your heart. You get worked up easily because what you heard was truth so raw that it hurts your guilt. You are getting old and I am afraid that I wont cry or feel sad when you leave me one day. I loved the both of you very much. I LOVED..deep from my heart, but you smashed it. Every time I look at you, I get confused. I don’t even know if your thoughtfulness was out of love or just compensation for all that you once did to me in the past. All the things I did, does anybody even cherish?
Ok, my angel tells me that if you keep trying and enduring, you will see the light. Because of my angel, I recover from hurtful things easily. I hope the light will get stronger. I forgive easily..and that’s why I get hurt so easily too. Why do people misplace your trust and your love? And money is what is important? A few dollars of gathering is not worth it? This saddens me. Every time on the phone, I get the feeling I am there because of convenience sake. An extra mouth, an extra view and opinion. Not because they cherish me. More of out of fear that I will get angry??
Maybe I was wrong. But still, you shouldn’t have shouted at me. I am not someone unreasonable. I am persuaded with genuinely. Blast me with truthfulness and I will place my loyalty.
Every thing feels stupid when you blog it out. My only source of life, my extra angel is all here in this insignificance portal. With this blog, I place a part of my soul. I will never leave my precious pensive. Ah..I feel a lot better now..but I still can’t smile..not yet.
May the light dispel all the darkness and guide me forever.Dec 13- STTAUmpired for STTA from 9.30am to 3pm and in return, I got $50 bucks~ None of my friends were there as umpires and it was rather boring. At least yanping was there because of her sister’s training. When I was umpiring for my 3rd and 4th matches…I got SO bored and drowsy. I woke up at 7am you know!!! I kept making mistakes and I bet that girl must have been thinking I was such a loser. Girls from S* ****S, none has yet impressed me (both in terms of character and table tennis skills). I don’t know why, but they gave me super weird vibes and all my friends think so too. They are the worst girls school in my opinion. Well, I don’t mean all the girls there are bad…just that the ratio of rotten people is higher.
Anyway, I was actually shocked. Those under 11 girls really grew like bean sprouts! I umpired for this young girl and at that time, she was like nearly 1 head shorter then me. But gosh, now she was like as tall as me? Or taller?? MY GOD. She just freaking grew 20cm in like 6 months??
Oh man, they are becoming bean sprouts while I am still the freaking BEAN!! I AM THE BEAN!!! ARGH!!!%@&%)@*$*)__@()$(@$_*!_)(#$_
Another reason why I kept making mistakes today was because I was actually analyzing how the players were playing. I was seriously thinking about a lot of things...actually, most of the players playing were serving wrongly. They should be penalized like 10 times over, but if I do that, they won’t be able to play and I guarantee that. I was a victim once. I WAS FAULTED FOR 7 TIMES. That was the reason why I wanted to be an umpire. I wanted to find that guy that fouled me...but I kinda forgot how he looked like. Haha, so I am now only umpiring for the money. No more revenge. I am a very good girl.
And today, one of the uncles…he reminded me of someone. There was this very important match that guarantees our national placing, I think we were fighting for the 3rd position. That was when I was either primary 5 or 6 and I was playing doubles with Song Karmun. We fought till 2:2 and the score was…I think 22:23 with the opponent leading. Then the opponent (I forgot what school), served again when she had already served the turn b4. Karmun received the ball straight into the net because she thought the opponent was passing the ball to her but the bloody umpire actually gave a point to the other sch and we lost that match. MY GOD. We argued but, you know, we were like still young and everything happened so fast. We didn’t have enough capacity to handle the situation at that time. So yeah… one of the uncles looked like that man! Maybe it was the same person!! He asked if I know how to play ping pong and of course I said yes…and he said he didn’t see me b4. The thing is, how can he recognise me? I changed quite a lot you know. My BEST frd couldn’t even recognize me…so every time I pass by someone I knew, I will always wonder if that person still remembers me. Maybe my new imaged killed my past? But at least I created a future. Its like a new chapter in my life…but it scares me. And when I walk pass the people I know, they don’t even show a hint of recognition...its quite freaky you know and I didn’t dare to even say hello. Slowly, their memory of me will fade and…omg I need to organize some form of gathering!!! NONO!! Don’t forget me!!! When no one remembers you, you are not alive to begin with. That’s why I always try my best to remember the people around me. You may not even know me or spoke to me, but I will still remember your face. It’s a form of respect to them when you remember their faces. I hope people will respect me too. Hehe
Luckily I wasn’t umpiring for doubles…its confusing. I don’t like to umpire for those very “coffee shop” uncles too. They always give me a you-are-just-a-small-kid look. There are pros and cons with my image…ok I do look like a kid sometimes. Yes, a small and harmless child. The pro, I get certain privileges such as not needing to work as hard, less scolding and always look a few years younger. The con, I get judged down in terms of my capability and ability, which is what I hate. That was one of the reasons why I wanted to dye my hair and change my wardrobe. With color on your hair and with different dressing style, you will look older! Now people call me xiao jie instead of xiao mei! HAHA!!
Omg, I can write so much crap out of a mundane day! I NEED MY INTERNET!!!!!!!!I NEED MY PROM PHOTOS!!!!!!! MY FRIENDSTER IS BEING NEGLECTED!!!
Btw I am short listed for Sistic and I have to go for 2 days of training next week. Why Justin haven call me yet? Honeywell sounds nice. I don’t mind working there…
I am still not gonna talk to you.
