Saturday, January 12, 2008
Chalet with class yesterday. It was so tiring. Yes, Kwan is the bishi bashi KING.. SO?Didn't get enough sleep. Slept till 2 today. Coffee princ-ed one episode just now. I think its the best korean drama out of all stupid ones I watched. Hey, I think I never really watched Korean dramas b4...KSS I watched halfway..then there was this Autumn show with hot won bin and a stupid plot :)Shows are getting more and more boring. I love you, I love you not. Conflicts in my heart. I feel like some show's cast. Who can I talk to? No one. Should I approach? Should I just forget? I feel lonely.Alevels is coming. I really hate this. I really hate this. Death is not confined to the physical body. I am already dead.Does anyone knows how much it pains me? I really don't like this at all. I am not joking. I am really turning into some psycho kid. Everyone will leave me alone and I cant blame them cause its my own inability to begin with. Everyone leaves me behind..everyone leaves me in the end. Looking forward only makes me sad.
My only true dream in life officially ended at 18. I am too old to compete with the young talents. I have no more opportunities, no more possibilities, no more motivation. I did tried something. But it didn't work. I am just wandering about..no aim no nothing. I really see nothing in my future..I tell myself many times that its just some paper cert. Just a test, you can try again. It doesn't work now. I didn't realise I wanted to proceed so much...much more then anything in life now. I tell myself I can retake, try again. Its no use anymore.1 more time and I will snap. I won't die, but my body will deteriorate. I will be nothing but an empty shell.
