Something weird happened yesterday. Some kind of emotion was suddenly flowing through me. A kind of hate that is mixed with sadness, a conflicting state that paused my mind.
Everything was silenced and clarity came. There was so much clarity that it scared me. I pitied myself and wondered when did the confidence that was always with me left. I felt like a total fool. I wonder how I landed myself in this state of sorriness. Why I even continued my sloppiness, living day by day. And all the shit I promised to do was left hanging with excuses.
Where is the determination that I seek, why did it not ever come to my rescue even once? Where is the spark, where is my drive? How did someone like me, who cherished ever so tightly my life has come to hate my own existence?
I need to change. And I will keep this hatred in me, as a reminder for all the things I should be doing.
