UUUUUUUUUUU!!!! It's always you that makes me go crazy and makes my heart drop! Pumping hopes and dreams into me and overwhelming me!! I ask myself why she has such an impact on me. I know, because I want to be like her. But we are so far apart. Will we ever ever be near? Dammit. I feel really weird nowadays. I guess it's because I'm living life very sloppily. Look what I'm doing now? It's 3am and I am not sleeping yet! And I sleep for freaking 10 hours a day. Waking up at 2pm everyday gives me a bad day but I just can't wake up when my alarm sounds at 10am. And look! What about playing the guitar everyday and continuing my lesson? What about studying Japanese in preparation for JLPT3 this year?? What about living life healthy and no eating after 8pm? What about sleeping early and waking early?? What about all those things you said you were going to do??? Shouldn't I feel free now? Why is my 'graduation' so incomplete? I should be feeling free like a bird and chasing all my dreams but yet, I am sleeping and gorging myself with food everyday and feeling sorry for myself. I try to believe that I'm special. I try to believe that I'm up for greater things. I try to believe that I'm talented. I try to believe that I'm strong. Why do I deceiving myself everyday? Because I want to keep on living a contented life. Because I don't want everything to just end like that. Especially so when nothing has started at all. I tell myself it won't end since there is no start, but what if it never reaches anywhere? I tell myself that at least it brings me a little closer to my hopes, at least the process will be a happy one. But is that so? I seem to be dreading everything right now. Just dreading and never accomplishing anything. I find it sad and funny at the same time. And it's funny how her new song is "Fight". Yes, "Fight" I will then. Because that's the only thing I can do now. I need to WAKE UP. Tomorrow will be my D-Day.
