Been doing what I've done since graduation day for the weekend. Every time that I do this I feel a sense of dread, that I'm back to the rat race. Will I find a nice place to grow my roots? 3 years in IBM has taught me a lot of things. I wanted to retire at that place but it seems like that a pretty naive thought. I feel so childish at my own simple dreams. Thinking that if I work with my heart and treat everyone with respect, I will get the same respect in return. I'm feeling sad but life goes on and I must continue the lonely road. Self appraisal is very low now, will need a lot of determination to strengthen my thoughts. Other people may say that it's easy isn't it, if you don't like it you just jump ship right? But it's not that easy for me as I have no particular work that I want to do. Especially not so in my degree area. It makes me think back again, that I should have thought more about my future when studying. Although I knew what I wanted in the past, I did not have the strength to pursue it. It makes me afraid...that there may be nothing left in life for me. The gods have given up on me. Or that I have given up on myself? I hope not.
