I can't sleep again. I think I am getting anxiety again. I feel it is getting very hard to trust others and that being kind is just stabbing yourself. Of course I think that feeling this way is wrong, because there are so many other things that are good. And there were so many people that showed much kindness to me. It is just getting harder and harder. I try to stay positive but there are days where it gets me. It hits hard when I become weak and I am becoming weaker and weaker as the days goes by. And it is not a situation where I can get help because it is down only to my own thoughts and feelings. How I decide to process them. At the end of the day, if I do not understand my own feelings, everything else will just be empty. No matter how many friends you have, how many people you talked to, it will all be the same if I don't get it.

Like a stuck pipe. Just clogging up all the dirt and mess. All the tangled hair. All the dirt.