Tuesday, February 19, 2008
My grandmother died on 1st Feb and was cremated on 6 Feb. I cried. I had never cried that seriously infront of other ppl.b4 they sent my grandma to the cremation center, my grandfather was hugging the coffin and crying out loud. One of his friends was telling him to let her go, telling him that my grandma is very old already, let her go in peace. My grandfather wasn't allowed to follow us to the cremation center..some stupid tradition. All my uncles and aunties were crying...I mean, who wouldn't? Seeing everyone in tears, I just can't stop myself from crying. It was just weeks ago that I witnessed the cremation of my junior and at that time, while I was walking to the cremation room, I was thinking...one day I will come here again..someday I will have to send someone I love into the flames. I just didn't expected it to be so soon.I went back to the exact same service hall as kendrick's. It seems like someone is playing a saddist joke on me. I cried, seriously cried when I wave my grandma off into the flames. Now she will be nothing but memories. I didn't get to see her for the last time. Well, maybe its better that way..cause my sis was saying my grandma looked terribly sick and painful with all the tubes. She told me that my brother cried even more then her when they saw the state my grandma was in..For my bro to cry, the scene must have really been heartbreaking.Time really flies. Nightmares every night from todday onwards. Results are coming..somewhere in my heart I want to get it over and done with..but I don't want to deal with the pain. I don't even feel like taking my results..I cannot bear to see others rejoicing about their results and planning about their bright future. If I have a choice, I rather not know my results.I didn't get to sleep soundly last night, I dreamt of results and results. Its like a deja vu for olevels..In my dreams, I saw 3 slips of results. The first was a U in maths, -12 for science (god knows what it means) and As for the others. The second one was E for all subs and the last slip was the same as the first just that jinbo told me I calculated wrongly and I was trying to figure out what fuc*ing shit results I got..and I woke up. Jinbo flunked all his subs, but that part was very fake cause on his cert, there was a zero beside each sub and god knows what it means again. Kwan passed with flying colours, but her result slip was weird too. It has lots of Os (representing outstanding in the magical world of harry potter), but generally it was a good piece of result with A for maths of course..I am going crazy.
